finally

yesterday was my graduation day. after six years of bluffing my way through, with three of those years devoted to the struggle that is my strategic management paper, i finally got my degree. and if i wanted to, i have the right to add those three letters to the end of my name.

i didn't have major problems during the graduation ceremony itself, except for my academic gown almost choking me and my cap weighing about as heavy as an anvil. no missteps or major boo-boos. but it was the other stuff surrounding my graduation that gave me major headaches. after i finally submitted my paper, which was late, there was the clearance (an issue i'd rather not discuss). then not knowing if i made the cut, because according to the rules, i should have submitted my paper earlier (though i had the defense before the deadline). then finding the right dress, where normal dress-shopping is already a traumatic experience. then, after the ceremony, it was as if our trusty '94 civic was on strike. just as we were ready to leave, dad discovered the battery was discharged, so we had to have a replacement delivered. then, on our way home, we landed on a massive pothole on the slex and got a running flat. imagine all of that accompanied by heavy rainfall.

i hope to write about all the different details soon. the subject matter from the speeches during the ceremony were inspiring, though not enough to spur me to write extensively. i'll try to get back on my feet in a couple of days.

aaaargh

still doing the revisions, which should be submitted by saturday... ohhhh brother. here i go again.

still obsessing on my (incomplete) ai7 playlist.

still unable to scrobble my ipod on last.fm. why why why why???????? the problem started when i upgraded my software, then the scrobbling became patchy until it stopped altogether, then i upgraded my itunes, then i downgraded my last.fm software. nothing. i'm holding off
upgrading my ipod software though, i tried it today but my connection gave up. whuh. so, that's the biggest annoyance right now, bigger than the revisions. lol.

just posted my summer movie wishlist on my blogspot. so it's no longer summer here in the islands, so what? this is the start of MY summer. i wish there's a portable widget for lists though. so that i can just put them in my lj if i so choose. heh. like i've already managed to configure the sidebar already.

i am sleepy. even if it was already monday (actually, it's tuesday already) i still did my sleepless sunday bit. hurray for long weekends! the next one is probably late august, oh dear.

so good night, i have to brace myself for the new day :D (and the new workweek, traffic is gonna be hell urgh).

wtf? (i fail at life)

seven days.

blah blah blah and all that shite.

this is it, this is the moment, this is the wtfery.

i will not, i mean NOT call lei/mike/whoever and crycrycry again.

...

so please please please let me let me let me
let me get what i want this time
- the smiths

whine, whine, whine

it's hot out. it's cold in here. i have fever, my frap is melting.

so instead of going home right away since i first felt this weird temperature disparity, i chose to stay. when i badly needed sleep. and with no ready cash. but a few weeks ago, i decided to go home in the midst of a really freaking hot summer afternoon (it was after one pm, go figure) having the same symptoms and i wasn't happy at all. so i decided to try the other way for now, and waited for the free ride home. (because luckily, today, i get a free ride home.).

i should have just stayed home and not spent as much money. too late for that. and to think the initial reason i took a sick day (originally a half-day, but circs have a way of going awry) is no longer itching to make its presence known. it lends credence to the popular school of thought that illness is largely psychological. just when the theory that the little buggers were living the high life in my epidermis has been dashed, once and for all, it's like i'm reborn. but i could have done without the flames from fawkes, thank you.

ok, i've spent two hours sitting like a good lamb in this sofa chair, no complaints. no highlights, either. just some good 'zine fodder and fern's latest teddy chapter. i have at least an hour left to go before i'm saved. ohhhhhh brother.

i. am. so. annoyed.

my external hard disk refuses to work. all my mp3s are in there. *weeps*

i'm with stupid

it's another friday afternoon, and i'm waiting - impatiently - for the clock to point to 530.

it's been a not-so-good day all around. i just want to go home. i'm tired, cranky, and feel so, so stupid. and for the hundred thousandth time, wishing that my strama is over and done with . so i can get on with the rest of my life.

overwhelmed

60 days and counting. well, 30 days if i was batting for the first deadline. but at the rate i'm going, that's fast becoming a remote possibility. and if i keep up like this, i'll be failing the class submissions part. bummer. that gives me a chance in hell that i'll even get a passing mark in strama.

last saturday saw a repeat of the "frantic phone call." this time i called best bud mike. lucky for him i was in a public place or it would have been accompanied with sobs and a flood of tears. i really don't know what i was looking for with that call. maybe i wanted to unload all my frustrations, or to validate that i am not dumb after all. but sometimes, the words "kaya mo yan" can only get you so far.

i don't want to sound like a broken record. and i don't want to be a hypocrite and say that i don't want to involve other people in my mess -- or i shouldn't have said anything about it. but strama is plain driving me nuts. it is testing my patience, my perseverance, my ability to cope with pressure, and my faith. three years is a long time to have this at the back of my mind, and i am plain tired. but my mind and my hands refuse to cooperate.

i kept reminding myself of the things i am free to do once i've finished. catch up with my reading backlog. learn to drive. go out more often. finally be free of guilt. i get on a high, and five minutes later i stand up from my chair and try to walk off my frustration. i just can't see my way through. how my other classmates did is a big mystery. i can't let this hold me back. but at the same time, i wonder if i was even ready for it.

you do it to yourself... you and no one else

the things we do for friendship.

still on wedding playlist mode... i can't seem to concentrate on my report for this saturday, for which i've done nothing. so i'm taking some wise guy's advice, and try to accomplish something else so it wouldn't be a distraction. not that it's a bother (hi ness!), it's just that i'm too excited and anxious about the result. and because i needed a bit of tweaking for one of the songs, i have asked around for audio editing software and got the audacity software for free. but that's enough audio tweaking for the day. i'm sleepy. as always.

so, three days till report day. i am so not ready to eat soap (nyehehehe) in class again, though it really is most likely. oh well.

songs for the week:

carrie underwood, i'll stand by you. all right, i was teary-eyed when this clip was played on american idol. and yes, i also did not like her at all, until this song. i have lots of respect for the pretenders, and i think this version does justice to the song.

mark ronson (feat. phantom planet), just. just found this guy on douglas' multiply page, and i picked this one to try out because i was curious -- someone actually covered radiohead, and from my favorite album too. i was sooooo not disappointed. when i get to school i'm going to download the rest, i was that impressed. (post title comes from the chorus of this song.)

leaving yesterday behind

i received a text message today from my high school friend nex. she had finished with her compre exams and will be graduating with her masters in... community development? i keep forgetting. (geez. what a great friend i am.) only two years ago, we were both suffering anxiety over our respective graduation requirements: her thesis and my strama paper. now, everyone in our group who went into graduate school has earned their degree or diploma, except me. how ironic.

hell week

it's not just for college orgs

it's just one of those weeks that you wish was over when it's just started.

i've been wrestling with a project deliverable for, like, 3 weeks now, and it's still not done. i'm rapidly losing cred here and i still can't figure out what to do! though i guess it'll all come when i'm good and ready... but i really hope that will happen on monday.

then i have this sneezing spell which rapidly developed into a cold last monday. this whole week i felt soooo tired when i got home at night... and it's not purely due to taking the bus to and from work. i actually went to bed willingly before 10 pm early this week. but then wednesday came, and you know what happens on wednesday...

this week's performance night on supernova is the best in my book. the one bright spot in the entire week. like my officemate said, "wala kang itatapon na performance." surprisingly, i was impressed with lukas the weirdo's performance. MOKB has a good alias for him: gargamel in drag. ROFL.

however, what went down elimination night was exactly that... it went south. gad, it was painful. that does not include toby's encore. and we (errr, me, my best friend and my officemate... as if we were a whole lot, eh?) all agreed about the non-wisdom of booting out ryan "the dark horse" star. i actually thought he was a shoo-in for the finale. but as i re-read MOKB's reviews (they're not flattering at all) i got the picture that ryan might not be as good as i thought. whatever. or, according to toby, EVS.

so with ryan out, who do i think have the chops to make it into the finale? dilana, as i mentioned previously, is the frontrunner, until her horrific mistake during the press clinic. which was why she ended up bottom three for the first time this week. however, she still has lots of cred with supernova. toby, on the other hand, has rapidly gained cred in the last 2-3 weeks. i think it started with week 6 and burning down the house... even if the bullhorn brought on cringes and thoughts of "been there, done that". but him getting to perform with supernova and getting the encore for rebel yell are some pretty obvious signs he is up there. magni, of the solid vocals, should also be a shoo-in. so the question remains, who betwen lukas and storm will be eliminated next week? will we see another double elim?

oh, and i'm also entertaining the wish that none of those three i'm rooting for wins, because they do not deserve to be stuck with a bunch of wash-ups. heheheh.

song of the week: lukas rossi, lithium (from rock star: supernova)

twilight zone

the day god gave out the gift of organization, i must have been hungover because i didn't get any.

would you say you are an organized person? thankfully i've never been asked that question, because the answer is a resounding NO. sure, everyone has his own system or method, and i'm sure even the owner of the worst pig pen of a room still prays for the day it becomes spic and span. but even with the best intentions, i'm one of the worst when it comes to time, priority, and object safety. i swear, any personal space i'm given becomes a twilight zone... things disappear in them with no clear reason.

about a year ago i started writing this entry, because i was so fed up with my carelessness. at the time i was missing three things. though i learned i could survive without them, it brought me a hard (and in one instance, costly) lesson. one was a backup disc of my files, the second was my bank atm card (which did not contain any money, anyway), and the third was part of my bonus -- in cash. the funny thing was, i actually hid that money so that it won't be found lying around, that even i can't find it any more. it was actually in dollar bills so it wasn't difficult to hide.

now another thing went missing, another steep price i paid for my negligence. but i also found my atm in one of my old wallets. literally worthless, but it gave me some hope that someday i will find that money. or that i'll be blessed with much more than what i lost...

wtf?????

caught me unawares. damn!

grissom and sara? NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!

first it was aiden, then h marrying marisol (not that i hate marisol delko, but i liked calleigh more). there's also the rumor about mac and lindsay. i never thought i'd ask this question, but what is csi coming to? i thought it would be the show that will be more about cases than love interests (though that didn't stop me from hoping :D ). especially las vegas.

way to go? avoid at all costs, more like.

dizzy girl

summer? does it matter?

it happens to the best of us...

so many stuff to blog about, but either you have no time, or you're too lazy, or you just don't know how to do it.

don't be surprised. i'm probably one of those people who can't start writing at the drop of a hat. especially when under pressure. which is why my strama paper is still under construction.

before i got to this sentence i've already corrected two spelling errors, which would be a clue as to how tired and inattentive i am. and why i can't write a good blog entry right now.

---

so what happened in the last 2 months?

i've been so engrossed in watching csi and csi ny. i'm even starting to like csi miami (wow what a miracle huh). but i've been missing the last couple of episodes on axn. i'm more curious on what's happening in anticipation of the season ender which is showing this week in the us. just reading through all that talk on the numerous mailing lists i'm a part of is making my head spin. so many theories on the clues in the picture (see it from the cbs website). the funny thing is, i've had that picture since start of the season, i didn't know it was going to be such a teaser.

after a few months of lying low and cutting back on my favorite things, i made one of my first significant cd buys just last friday. i don't really care that i had to wait in line for the bus for over 30 minutes, i am just so happy to finally get the cardigans' first album, emmerdale. so now you have a clue on the story behind my alias. it's really pretty straightforward. what made that album stand out in my memory was that it contains one of my favorite cardigans songs, rise and shine. a great alarm tone, if i may say so. hence when i was thinking of a good email name, i thought, wouldn't it make a cool alias... and people have been asking me about it ever since. (by the way, some people really want to know what it means. so if you happen to know swedish or know someone who does, maybe you can tell me if it means something in that language. otherwise i'll keep thinking it's the name of the dog on the album cover. or i could just ask the cardigans.)

work has been piling up, though all of them are the sort that don't have real deadlines... it's like you just make some progress and it's a never-ending thing...

i've not done much on my strama lately. actually, i've not done much of anything lately. life has been a blur these past few weeks. sometimes i get the feeling that i've been bumming, and it's true in one sense. but i've also been so busy in another sense, most of my time is really taken up and everything else usually falls to second place. well, except when i go make takas to see a movie right after work and try to catch the regular bus trip at landmark. it's like i didn't watch a movie at all.

my uncles are here again for vacation. pretty soon we'll probably be seeing a gig or two at 70's or conspiracy. any ideas? we're choosing among bamboo, noel cabangon, joey ayala probably. we need a few more ideas. i suggested urbandub but they're probably not up to it yet.

hay, better log off because i'm leaving early tomorrow. once again it's monday, the worst day to be taking the bus to work.

just shoot me

this blog has been giving me a hard time. i can't count how many times i've edited the last entry for errors... in paragraph placement! i can't believe how that could happen.

i need a break

exercise releases endorphins. endorphins make you happy. so how the heck did this happen?

this just came out of nowhere. i woke up early for once, showed up at the gym, had coffee and came to work late (at par with my usual time in when i go to gym). i'm physically present but my mind is wandering. and suddenly i stumbled into that no-man's-land. i am now so depressed.

luckily for me i'm going to attend a seminar out of the office, maybe thinking about something else will get me out of this funk. but if this mood keeps up i'm gonna have to call reinforcements.

staying alive (the morning after)

what happens when you pull an all-nighter, with none of the results you were aiming for to begin with.

it's back to reality.

i got to work late again, for the second straight day. though the guard here at the office offers consolation whenever i complain ("ma'am, officer ka naman eh"), i really dislike being late for work. i do try to compensate by staying the whole nine hours, but it's a bit hypocritical when it was my fault in the first place.

---

so i stayed up until 3 this morning. big deal. the other night i fell asleep waiting for my roommate to finish with the bathroom, so obviously i accomplished nothing. last night i managed to tweak what little i have of my paper, but i got preoccupied with backing up my mobile phones. however, my biggest accomplishment was not my paper, but finally getting internet access through gprs. yippee! i can now check email, friendster, and my blog at my convenience anytime and anywhere through my underutilized globe plan, using my laptop. no need to be limited by the library hours at agsb, though i would still love to go there because of the connection speed. and i wouldn't be at the mercy of the sky-high hourly rates at my neighborhood 24-hour internet cafe. plus, i would be spared from endless scrolling when i use my phone gprs. i am so happy, i can almost imitate tom cruise on oprah. almost.

this is one instance when a bunch of bad decisions work out after all.

---

i started late last night because i met up with roge and ness at galleria earlier. i felt a bit guilty about not putting my strama first in my life, but when did i ever? so i decided i might as well go, and to paraphrase stephen covey, i also wanted to invest in my emotional bank account especially with roge. (or did i just feel coerced? just kidding, roge!) we had a great time window shopping, eating at chef d'angelo and chatting over coffee at starbucks. we were reluctant to end the night, but it's a workday and reality should be faced eventually.

---

i'm in lss (last song syndrome) mode again, and my song of the moment is stranded by plumb. but what i want to hear now is the jennifer paige version, which is the first i heard of the song. of course i'd prefer to get an mp3 copy (hint, hint) but for now i'll try to bug the guys over at klite... anyway that's where i heard this song in the first place.

here comes the rain again

i should be home right now. but i'm stuck at the office. it's raining and i don't have an umbrella. i need one if i'm gonna walk home, which is what i usually do. taking a cab would be too pricey, and taking several jeepney rides would also mean a bit of walking.

what use are umbrellas when you leave them at your house. all of them.

rainy days and tuesdays

it seemed as if nobody had a good day today. my day can not be described as one from whatever angle. and as i looked through my friend list, all my joint horoscopes were either orange (so-so) or red (bad). so is it just me... or is it just me?

---

i clocked out at work earlier than i normally do, with the intention of logging extra time at school. that means three hours of surfing, blogging, downloading mp3s, and all other activities remotely related to research or schoolwork. yet typical of my quirky nature i suddenly decided to cut out barely an hour later, get some groceries and head home. but as fate would have it, i peered through the lobby doors and saw an honest-to-goodness rain shower. i stared dumbfounded at the puddles, wondering how i could miss the loud thunder i kept hearing by then. i was silently debating where i would wait out the storm when... crash!!!

...

and that's why i managed to stay in the library until 8 pm.

q: what lay behind the crashing sound i heard?

a) the maintenance guy carrying a potted plant slipped on the wet floor
b) the wind slammed against the lobby door, which in turn hit the guard's station and shattered into pieces
c) the law student dropped a glass full of water while rushing to the elevator

---

answer next post.

sunshine

where is a good cup of coffee when you need it?

don't know what exactly went wrong today.

was it my late start, which was caused partly by laziness and partly by the proximity of ness' condo to makati?
was it the misfortune of standing inside the mrt until i reached shaw boulevard station?
was it dread caused by attending the department heads' meeting, when i wanted to avoid the boss?
was it delaying lunch until we got back to makati office?
was it anxiety over our presentation on 5s this afternoon?
was it apprehension over our senior management presentation next tuesday?
was it the fact that i'm still in the office past 6 pm, printing out materials from a fucked-up printer, and me feeling so sleepy and tired?
was it facing the improbability of attending first friday mass today?
was it the realization that i want to get home -- to lb -- right away, but i'm still stuck here?

whatever the reason, i am so unhappy with this day. i can't wait for it to end.

this printer really is irritating me.

things you should not be doing

...when you're rushing a submission that is so post deadline. hope my boss never sees this.

on a typical sunday night i find things to do that i should have done earlier in the day at the very least. like ironing my uniform (only now it's my office uniform and not my sky-blue pleated skirt last worn ten years ago). or looking for papers from an actuarial seminar n years ago. or burning this cd that i so needed to hear this week. or packing my bag with suitable friday office wear. this last one i usually manage to finish not earlier than 10pm every time.

so after doing some of abovementioned examples i decided to open my trusty laptop and -- what the heck -- burn the internet lines again, before settling down to finally finishing my long-overdue analysis. no, i will not surf. i will not spend unnecessary time linking my music file collection with the matching album photos. i will not check out every friend's account on friendster. i will not look for parokya ni edgar tabs. i will not post a blog. but i forgot to confine myself from bloghopping.

while i was checking my 3 regular email accounts, i opened my primary blog (i am such a net addict as you can see) to check if anyone posted a comment yet. not unusually, nobody had. but my best friend left me a message on my blog board. hmmm, so she does remember my addy.

then by sheer luck i followed my link to drei's blog. of all the blogs i've linked to, drei's is probably the most active, and a good read too. to pass the time while loading the statistics pages i read the other comments to his last entry. that done, i remembered that i couldn't find his link to my blog. it wasn't where i last saw it. then i discovered it was transferred to another category (you have to clue me in on this one, drei). and me being the curious person i am, hovered and clicked like there was no tomorrow...

to make an already long story not much longer, i got sidetracked from looking up historical gdp figures because of all these cool blogs i kept stumbling on. there was even this girl who had blog entries with titles from ebtg songs. and i knew from experience that an ebtg fan is hard to spot. before i knew it, it was almost one a.m. whoa! time to pack up. but not quite.

ok, now it's time to do my killer analysis. mood killer, vacation killer, sleep killer (i swear, i kept dreaming of this paper sunday last week), whatever. this thing that is becoming my waterloo. if i ever get to finish this thing (which i sincerely think i really have to, you know), i swear i will break the bank and celebrate. who cares if my cards are almost maxed out and i have no excess cash come payday.

if i could only spew out the same amount of coherent paragraphs to match the drivel i just wrote, i'd be made. for now. and my three-hour countdown starts...