finally

yesterday was my graduation day. after six years of bluffing my way through, with three of those years devoted to the struggle that is my strategic management paper, i finally got my degree. and if i wanted to, i have the right to add those three letters to the end of my name.

i didn't have major problems during the graduation ceremony itself, except for my academic gown almost choking me and my cap weighing about as heavy as an anvil. no missteps or major boo-boos. but it was the other stuff surrounding my graduation that gave me major headaches. after i finally submitted my paper, which was late, there was the clearance (an issue i'd rather not discuss). then not knowing if i made the cut, because according to the rules, i should have submitted my paper earlier (though i had the defense before the deadline). then finding the right dress, where normal dress-shopping is already a traumatic experience. then, after the ceremony, it was as if our trusty '94 civic was on strike. just as we were ready to leave, dad discovered the battery was discharged, so we had to have a replacement delivered. then, on our way home, we landed on a massive pothole on the slex and got a running flat. imagine all of that accompanied by heavy rainfall.

i hope to write about all the different details soon. the subject matter from the speeches during the ceremony were inspiring, though not enough to spur me to write extensively. i'll try to get back on my feet in a couple of days.

housekeeping

just one day short of my first month on last.fm, i'm doing some cleaning up. in fact, i'm writing this post while taking a break from deleting scrobbles. there can only be so many plays of foo fighters' the pretender that i can honestly admit to. i don't think i can own up to having 700+ plays of the foos on my ipod since i bought the ipod, let alone since i joined last.fm. but i'm getting tired of the intense mouse-work deleting entails. we shall see.

i wonder, since i've finally re-synced my ipod with the itunes, if the multiple scrobbles will stop. again, we shall see.

i've also been organizing my 80gb disk over the last few days. though i've actually been adding files more than deleting them. which probably means i'll be using the wd my passport pretty soon.

email inbox has been a bit busy, with a few missives from my classmate on graduation-related activities: getting the cap and gown, paying for the grad fee and the alumni fee and the yearbook, getting photos taken. i thought my multiple strama enrollments made the biggest dent in my (parents') pockets; defense and graduation seem to be coming in at close second. hay, just to get a degree...

speaking of classmates, spent wednesday evening with girlfriends from strama (and also the prof) at redbox. all part of my vow to enjoy my life after strama. except that there's still that teensy problem of going home late and catching the last trip. and me wishing i still have a place in manila. wonder what i'll do if i had to go on "dates". if that ever happens.

finally, i'm still struggling with the "read more" modification here at blogger. not that i've already tried it, but i'm thinking of the 200 posts that i'll have to modify as well to set the viewing right. oh whatever. basically the internet's too slow here and at the office for me to really work on it. i think i'd do better just sorting through my mba things this weekend. time to throw out some trash. and me a hoarder. what fun.

current playlist:

mariah carey, touch my body. i love the video, which features the geeky guy from 30 rock, one of my favorite comedies. i'm not going to admit to anyone that i have a girl crush on sexy mariah. nope, no way.

sting, ...all this time (the live album). i accidentally hit play on one of the songs and it all came back to me. this is one of my favorite albums ever. i have to look for the post (way, way back) that says why.

ne-yo, because of you. unlike my classmate rain, i can probably stand a guy who doesn't know ne-yo. as long as he loves either sting, u2 or radiohead. preferably all.

leaving yesterday behind

i received a text message today from my high school friend nex. she had finished with her compre exams and will be graduating with her masters in... community development? i keep forgetting. (geez. what a great friend i am.) only two years ago, we were both suffering anxiety over our respective graduation requirements: her thesis and my strama paper. now, everyone in our group who went into graduate school has earned their degree or diploma, except me. how ironic.

rainy days and tuesdays

it seemed as if nobody had a good day today. my day can not be described as one from whatever angle. and as i looked through my friend list, all my joint horoscopes were either orange (so-so) or red (bad). so is it just me... or is it just me?

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i clocked out at work earlier than i normally do, with the intention of logging extra time at school. that means three hours of surfing, blogging, downloading mp3s, and all other activities remotely related to research or schoolwork. yet typical of my quirky nature i suddenly decided to cut out barely an hour later, get some groceries and head home. but as fate would have it, i peered through the lobby doors and saw an honest-to-goodness rain shower. i stared dumbfounded at the puddles, wondering how i could miss the loud thunder i kept hearing by then. i was silently debating where i would wait out the storm when... crash!!!

...

and that's why i managed to stay in the library until 8 pm.

q: what lay behind the crashing sound i heard?

a) the maintenance guy carrying a potted plant slipped on the wet floor
b) the wind slammed against the lobby door, which in turn hit the guard's station and shattered into pieces
c) the law student dropped a glass full of water while rushing to the elevator

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answer next post.

all mixed up

one disadvantage of discontent is the tendency to take on too many things at the same time.

i just realized that from now until next week, there are several things i must be able to accomplish:

1. finalize the yearbook layout (this is my high school yearbook, take note!)
2. finish my external and industry analysis for my strama (which i haven't even started)
3. for that matter, revise my introduction to clarify my strama topic (and have it approved, naman!)
4. study for two actuarial exams: social insurance on wednesday and group insurance on friday, which, as expected, i haven't studied for either
5. do my overdue perman assignment(s), due thursday
6. finally getting serious about my work project, since we now have a go-signal in the guise of the license purchase. this entails reviewing the proposed contracts, constructing forms, contracting an actuary, assessing the financial projections... the list goes on and on

this isn't a sudden brainwave, mind. i have realized a few weeks ago that i might have really bad scheduling issues. nevertheless, i have decided to invest time and money indiscriminately and now i cannot put my money where my mouth is. looking at the list above, i can only wonder at how i'm going to fit any of them in my schedule. or get the necessary research underway.

hay. what i wouldn't give for a laptop right now.

this is it

i knew it.

in the tradition of murphy's law, whatever can make my last term at school be as difficult as i can imagine, is starting to happen.

first is the new ruling for the final paper, with all sorts of deadlines and penalties, not to mention the possibility of failing the subject and postponing graduation to next year.

then, as expected, after several months of relatively idle activity at the office, i suddenly found myself being given so much responsibility in order to fast track our project that has been long delayed. add to that my unresolved confusion and ambivalence over the project in the first place. and to cap it all, my boss has finally taken the step into her future without us.

when i first signed up for this thing, i only thought that it would be a great challenge to pull it off. i never imagined that it would come to this conflict of time.

this is one of those times i wish i was back to the old days.

the aftermath

really, i am never satisfied. i swore i would never do it again, and there i was. just because i heard the prof say that he was gonna pick up the papers on saturday morning.

backtrack: on friday night the paper was not even half done. sure i have all the research ready and web pages saved in my trusty flash drive. at eight i went to the school library, hoping to get myself in the mood (and get half the paper done in an hour would you believe?). but no, i ended up surfing. sure, i was looking up the share price of RIM and the website of the bureau of treasury, which wouldn't load. every excuse i could think of... pretending to work on my paper when i really am not.

at quarter to nine i resigned to the fact that i am so bushed. i had slept only three hours the night before and i am not functioning normally. i ended up at powerplant, sat on a bench watching passersby, and contemplated my next move. no, i would not go to press cafe and eat my blues away. no, i'm not going window shopping. so i just sat there. until i decided to get a cup of my favorite black cherry mocha at seattle's before i finally went home.

i got back to the dorm at past ten, and settled myself at the head of the dining table. i didn't even go up to my room to get dressed, i just scattered my papers and prepared to write. but not a word came out of my head. damn. massive mental block. i couldn't make sense out of my report! i ended up doing other stuff, like cleaning up my room and watching tv. and napping in front of the tv.

three a.m.! is that the time? omg i have to get out of here. i have to go to the computer shop and get it done by seven. so, finally, i got hold of my wandering mind and got down to business. i was panicking by 6.59, but i knew i was near the finish line. by 8.30 i was ready to print. i kept scaring myself with the thought that i would see an empty pigeonhole when i got to school, or worse, i would cross paths with my prof on the way up. fortunately none of that happened; all the papers i saw last night were still there, and i didn't even have a glimpse of the prof. so i rewarded myself with a breakfast at gram's before preparing for my long journey home.

lessons? i kept going back to the fact that i didn't have my own laptop, so i can carry it anywhere and do my thing in a conducive environment (like the library on thursday instead of going back home). but on friday i was ready to settle for a good old desktop in my room. imagine if i had to do this every time i have a paper due for strama class. it would be a nightmare! of course, i also realize that it's not the things i don't have that hinder me, though a laptop would really be a great help. i have to change my habits, and i mean major overhaul. i can just imagine what this next term is going to be like...

cramming, part 2

just imagine me banging my head now...

cramming my heart out

another day wasted.

today i availed my birthday leave. i really wanted to have it tomorrow but i let my boss make the choice, so here i am. and this day i am supposed to make huge progress on my final paper. which is due tomorrow. and which i haven't even started.

don't get me wrong, i have lots of ideas floating in my head. and i'm not one of those mba students who space out during class. in fact this is one of the best subjects i've ever taken, even compared to my undergrad math series (another subject altogether). but i've always had this tendency to leave anything waiting till the last minute. procrastinator is my middle name.

so, you might ask, why is a fairly paranoid mentally blocked grad student blogging instead of doing her paper?

typical excuse no. 1: i'm waiting for the PSE charts to upload (which i just noticed was not uploading properly).

typical excuse no. 2: i just saw my other blog site, not to mention my friends' blog sites, and my creative juices are flowing.

typical excuse no. 3: i am disturbed by the fact that i can't log on to my other blog site, and i am looking for an excuse to rant.

typical excuse no. 4: this is what i am, what i have been for so many years now, and what i will be in the future short of a miracle. expectations are fulfilled.

i still remember when i rushed a paper a few terms ago. i ended up staying in the office until past 10 and talking to god the whole time on my way to school. luckily for me the guards allowed me to get in, and the faculty room was still open. and i vowed never to repeat that experience.

hopefully from all the times i came close to missing my paper deadlines, i've learned my lesson. or instead i could just bang my head against the wall 10 times and get better results.

one little candle

last night i attended a seminar/workshop promoting the new community service initiative (for lack of a better description) of the university. being graduate students, the university officials made a special pitch to us (those were their words, honest); apparently this has been implemented in the undergrad campus some time ago. this is a potentially large undertaking for the school, and judging from the concessions they made (we had no classes for a week just so we'd attend either of the two scheduled sessions), it is being given top priority. not that you'd expect less when it comes to serving the country.

in spite of the headache i was nursing, the boredom, the discomfort whenever you're stuck someplace and forced to listen, i still enjoyed the activity. more importantly, i was reminded of my civic and patriotic duty, as i'm sure all the other students were. in the small-group workshop that followed, some of us shared our ideas on what a typical graduate student can do, individually and as an organized group. some of these ideas might be trite or overused, while others have switched on the proverbial light bulb in our minds. i guess the objective here is inspiring all of us into thinking that we can do something, thereby creating the mindset. and once that mindset is ingrained, it is easier for us to do all these activities because we are compelled by our own values.

i think every citizen of this land, no matter how selfish or ignorant he may be, wants our country to come out of these troubled times. it is evident in the way we complain about our system, the way we worry about the peso-dollar exchange, the way we criticize our politicians. we all have some grand ideas about turning this country around, but it's hard to imagine how to do it knowing ourselves and knowing how others act. i agree with the premise that what we need right now is a constant bombardment of the conscience. when we reach a certain mindset, together, then we can implement programs more effectively. we can start small. and we can start with ourselves.

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i was walking along the corridor after the workshop, still feeing ambivalent, inspired, and challenged at the same time, when i saw a banner at the opposite wall. i thought it was an omen, especially after the last blog i posted.

it said: mediocrity is not an option