as i hung out in my bedroom trying to catch some zzzzs i was plagued by the mood i found myself in. and out of all the songs i had coming out of my cd player, one reached out its hand and held me by the throat -- and thus i found myself unable to sleep for a spell. hence the title of this piece.
how sad that i had to resort to a song playing over and over in my head to explain the level of sadness that i feel. and the song, in its own context, is not the same as the situation i find myself in. it's as if i was wishing that it had turned out that way, but reality is miles away from it. in fact i'm not sure if it's worth writing about at all. but the fact remains that i am compelled to write it down, to express my sadness as it demands to be expressed. better than saying it face to face to another person who may not understand (or may misunderstand, or worse, understand only too well). because doing that is acknowledging what may not, after all, exist. where only despair does.
while it is possible that a thing can be warranted just by acting as if it does exist, assumption (or presumption, in some cases) can only take you so far. and while a thing can be controlled for as far as you can and as far as you want, it is also true that where one's freedom begins is where another's freedom ends. and in such instances that requires the presence of another, it really is up to both to make something happen.
waited by the phone all day, thinking that you'd call, but you never did. you are different from before, now you've made me insecure like you never did. tell me it's not over now, will you? so i won't be hanging around, and you won't see me crying.girl, you've got it wrong, you've been thinking all along that i've really changed. love's been knocking at your door, do you hear it? do you really, really care? tell me it's not over now, will you? so i won't be hanging around, and you won't see me crying.
take me into your sweet loving arms. let's make love like we've never done before (like we've never done before). tell me it's not over now, will you? say you love me, say it loud. say you want me, say it now. and you won't see me crying.
-- passage, you won't see me crying
