yeah, whatever

when you can't do anything with your life, you can always blog!

i'm hiding out in the school study area, afraid to cross my prof's path... hay. i never felt confident enough to face my prof, now look where it got me. nowhere. and fast. just over a week to go before judgement day. i don't know why i'm prolonging the agony... or on the other hand, why can't i pull myself together? i can do it. i can do it. i just can't see beyond that insurmountable roadblock. have i really gone as far as i could go? i think not. but in my mind is a big blank wall that i can't push myself through.

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it's funny how life is sometimes. i don't know why god gave me something to think about, and think about it i did! just when i can't stand any more distractions, i keep getting hit by them. i dunno. i could look at it as a test, i suppose. and if that's the case, i flunked it big time like i might be flunking my paper. on the other hand, is it consolation for the lack of progress? like, because i feel like an underachiever, something in my life is finally going my way?

or is it the vehicle for finally putting my old problem (for lack of a better word) into its proper perspective? because honestly, all that confusion i've associated with that previous object has been totally replaced by this constant giddiness i feel (just ask my best friends). so maybe it wasn't a dead-serious thing after all, that "before" thing. because if it can be as easily replaced by something so trivial and lighthearted, it wasn't strong enough to pass the test. i dunno. time will tell, i guess.

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i remember the day i rediscovered this song. i was thinking of someone else that time, but (at the back of my mind) out of the corner of my eye, i also saw that person who was just within reach. now all those "last" songs that i so loved (jeff buckley's last goodbye, keane's this is the last time, the sundays' here's where the story ends) have a different meaning, now that the person who was just there isn't there any more. and to quote another 80's hit,

i don't know how it happened, it all took place so quick. -- dire straits, your latest trick

something just happened. and i found out almost too late.

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(by the way, the lyrics look ridiculous... but these are the best i could find. maybe this is how it really goes.)

i wanted to be with you alone
and talk about the weather
but traditions i can trace against the child in your face
won't escape my attention
you keep your distance with a system of touch
and gentle persuasion
i'm lost in admiration could i need you this much
oh, you're wasting my time
you're just wasting time

something happens and i'm head over heels
i never find out till i'm head over heels
something happens and i'm head over heels
ah don't take my heart
don't break my heart
don't throw it away

i made a fire and watching it burn
i thought of your future
with one foot in the past now just how long will it last
no no no have you no ambition
my mother and my brothers used to breathe in clean air
and dreaming i'm a doctor
it's hard to be a man when there's a gun in your hand
oh i feel so...

something happens and i'm head over heels
i never find out till i'm head over heels
something happens and i'm head over heels
ah don't take my heart
don't break my heart
don't throw it away

and this my four leaf clover
i'm on the line, one open mind
this is my four leaf clover
this is how time flies

-- tears for fears, head over heels