where does the time go... and what i've been doing with ithey, hey. seems like i've been setting a pattern for the last two years now. last time, october to february have been lean months with me busy with research and downloading music files from the free net. and it took a couple of messages to jolt me out of my reverie.
so, the same old problems are still there. not much satisfaction in griping about them though. there are new ones too, and new sources of insecurities have cropped up as well. my mood swings have been so volatile over the last few weeks that i've been seriously thinking about getting a shrink (no need to worry, i can't afford one just yet). and the thing is, i'm not the type to blow up for no apparent reason - not anymore - because it never gave me the attention i wanted. i'm more likely to just sulk in the corner and let the tears fall in the silence. but that's another story.
so one cure - albeit temporary - for all ills is escape. not the terminal desperate end that is correlated to cowardice (but who am i to judge?). call me crazy, hopeless, and incredibly tacky, but i've been inhabiting in the notoriously cheesy world of fan fiction. just the thing you'd expect from someone who has a thousand volumes of romance stashed in all the places you can think of.
to tell the truth, this wasn't a recent discovery. i actually discovered this accidentally while discussing the merits of frank hardy over ned nickerson on the nancy drew messageboards. really. i was that passionate about frank hardy. that was a few years ago when i was fresh out of college and had lots of spare time. it so happens that a lot of the other kids were also going for frank, and a few went a step further -- they actually had nancy and frank end up together in fanfiction heaven.
enter 2005 and csi. i was looking around through websites and yahoogroups that can be pretty overwhelming for a csi newbie, and i came across several actively promoting catherine and grissom. to be honest, grissom and sara kind of weirds me out, and i kinda go for long history thing, so there. my gmail inbox is a silent witness to all the catherine-grissom, nick-sara, mac-stella, danny-lindsay/danny-aiden/aiden-flack/danny-flack (oops!) fan fiction that i haven't read. as of last count, there are close to 200 unread emailed chapters on catherine-grissom alone.
that does not include the ones on the fanfiction.net archives. darn. i swear, everytime i go there i'm dizzy with the number of new stories, not to mention new chapters, from all these writers. eliminating the grissom-sara stories were a big help though ;D. but there's also house md, and goody! nancy and frank!
so, don't be surprised if i'm not updating for a while. i'm just a little too critical of my writing right now, when i've seen all these great gems hidden in a sea of mediocrity. and when june cames along, at least you all have reason to say, "i know what you did last summer."
