be yourself

i love psych tests!

hey, see a link on my gutter that says rikrik adbentyurs? that's the blog of jugs (yeah, i know, itchyworms). and that's where i got the link to this pretty cool psych test. try it out, because the description it gave me fits me to a t.

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ISFP

You're gentle and compassionate...open and flexible...considerate of others and do not for views and opinions on them. Often focus on meeting others needs...pleasant, quiet and kind....at their best ensuring others well-being. Caring and sensitive....modest and reserved..

OK...you enjoy subjects that relate to helping and knowing about people... art ... computers and history classes if these classes are taught with an applied, sensible approach.. and if objectives relate directly to everyday lives....

You're somewhat artistic, aren't you? You could probably post a great poem on the Storm Palace, huh? You dislike structure, because it takes away from your spontaneity and freedom. You like leisure, and seek it out. You savor it...probably say "stop and smell the roses"...You have a personal and humorous approach that is unique...

Patient and flexible..easy to get along with and no need to dominate others. You don't need to lead, and are a loyal follower...good team members... You're trusting and understanding...

Love to you is utter devotion and loyalty... when you first fall in love, you may feel consumed by it...."falling in love with love" ...focus on the romance of it all..you are constantly nourishing the relationship... When scorned, you probably retreat and repeatedly analyze the situation internally....When you let go finally, you can be more assertive again...

You organize things according to their personal and humanistic values. You like a work setting that contains cooperative people... leadership style involves personal loyalty as a means of motivating others... prefer team approach...likes to enjoy life...

Be careful of the following: you can lose out when you neglect your own needs. because you see others' needs so clearly, and because you're heavily motivated toward meeting others' needs, you may overlook your own requirements. You need to learn how to respect own needs more and to be assertive and direct with others in asking for their help and for time to take care of themselves.

You also lose out when you are afraid of conflict and mismanage it as a result. You take personal responsibility for conflicts and issues that in actuality belong to others. You become hurt and withdraw. Finally, you can lose out when you become self-critical, and do not appreciate your own accomplishments.

ISFP: "I Seek Fun & Pleasure" (amen!!!)

you can never have too much information. hehehehehe.

all or nothing

kahapon nag-kwentuhan kami ni lei sa ym. wala lang, nagsasayang lang ako ng oras sa internet sa bahay. shempre napunta na naman ang usapan sa love life (san pa nga ba?) at ang masasabi ko lang ay... hayyyyy.

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bakit nga ba nahihirapan ako sa love life ko? masyado bang mataas ang expectations ko? lagi na lang kasing meron akong makikilala na akala ko pwede na, pero patutunayan ng magdadaang panahon na wala pala akong binatbat. eh kasi parang ako na lang lagi ang nagkakagusto. sa tingin ko ok lang naman ako, pero sa tinagal-tagal ng panahon eh magtatanong ka na talaga kung ano ba'ng wala sa kin. ang labo kasi. siguro iba rin yung nararamdaman nung mga taong lagi na lang nasasaktan sa mga relasyon nila. pero buti pa nga sila naranasan nila na merong nagpahalaga sa kanila. ako, wala. well, hindi naman sa totally wala, pero lam nyo na ibig kong sabihin.

hindi ko rin maintindihan yung gusto mo yung tao pero hanggang don ka na lang. ako kasi kung gusto ko yung tao... hindi ko naman liligawan kasi conservative ako. pero ganon. siguro tama nga yung sabi nung mga kaibigan kong lalaki (tsaka nung mga regular audience ko dito) na pag talagang gusto ng lalaki eh liligawan talaga nya. ang lagay pala, if ever me gusto man sa kin sino man dun sa mga lekat na taong yon eh hindi nila ako ganon ka-gusto. ang sad di ba, parang lugi ako lagi. siguro nga hindi sila yung para sa akin, pero tulad nga ng sabi ko kanina, sa tagal ng panahon eh mag-iisip ka na talaga.

ako lang ba talaga yung me problema? siguro nga nag-e-expect din ako. pero ganun yata talaga ako eh. kasi nangyari na rin sa kin na hindi ko talaga gusto yung nagkagusto sa kin, kahit anong sabihin mo eh ayaw ko talaga. hindi ako pwedeng pilitin. at talagang iiwasan ko yon. hindi na rin siguro ganon ka-drastic ang reaction ko pero palagay ko hindi pa rin ako mapipilit. so pag gusto ko, gusto ko talaga. to the point na rin siguro na hindi na ako pragmatic mag-isip. at ang matindi, dun na lang iikot ang mundo ko.

ano na ba'ng gagawin ko? masaya nga ang buhay, enjoy, pero laging me kulang. usually kung sino man yung pinagtutuunan ko ng atensyon, pag wala sya lagi na lang kulang. kailangan ba talaga maranasan ko na magmahal talaga, yung hindi naghahanap ng kapalit? siguro nga puro selfish yung nararamdaman ko sa ibang tao. kasi hindi ko pa rin binibigay yung lahat kung alam ko na hindi ako papansinin. siguro pag alam kong hindi ako papansinin, pipigilan ko na lang para hindi ako mag-expect lalo, pero feeling ko naman ako yung may kulang...

it's the perfect ending

when will i really learn to let go?

i woke up and called this morning
the tone of your voice was a warning
that you don't care for me anymore

i made up the bed we sleep in
i looked at the clock when you creep in
it's 6 a.m. and i'm alone

did you know when you go
it's the perfect ending
to the bad day i was just beginning
when you go all i know is
you're my favorite mistake

well, your friends are sorry for me
they watch you pretend to adore me
but i'm no fool to this game

now here comes your secret lover
she'd be unlike any other
until your guilt goes up in flames

did you know when you go
it's the perfect ending
to the bad day i've gotten used to spending
when you go all i know is
you're my favorite mistake
you're my favorite mistake

well maybe nothin' lasts forever
even when you stay together
i don't need forever after
it's your laughter won't let me go
so i'm holding on this way

did you know, could you tell
you were the only one that i ever loved
now everything's so wrong

did you see me walking by?
did it ever make you cry?

you're my favorite mistake
you're my favorite mistake
you're my favorite mistake

you're my favorite mistake

-- sheryl crow, my favorite mistake

yeah, whatever

when you can't do anything with your life, you can always blog!

i'm hiding out in the school study area, afraid to cross my prof's path... hay. i never felt confident enough to face my prof, now look where it got me. nowhere. and fast. just over a week to go before judgement day. i don't know why i'm prolonging the agony... or on the other hand, why can't i pull myself together? i can do it. i can do it. i just can't see beyond that insurmountable roadblock. have i really gone as far as i could go? i think not. but in my mind is a big blank wall that i can't push myself through.

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it's funny how life is sometimes. i don't know why god gave me something to think about, and think about it i did! just when i can't stand any more distractions, i keep getting hit by them. i dunno. i could look at it as a test, i suppose. and if that's the case, i flunked it big time like i might be flunking my paper. on the other hand, is it consolation for the lack of progress? like, because i feel like an underachiever, something in my life is finally going my way?

or is it the vehicle for finally putting my old problem (for lack of a better word) into its proper perspective? because honestly, all that confusion i've associated with that previous object has been totally replaced by this constant giddiness i feel (just ask my best friends). so maybe it wasn't a dead-serious thing after all, that "before" thing. because if it can be as easily replaced by something so trivial and lighthearted, it wasn't strong enough to pass the test. i dunno. time will tell, i guess.

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i remember the day i rediscovered this song. i was thinking of someone else that time, but (at the back of my mind) out of the corner of my eye, i also saw that person who was just within reach. now all those "last" songs that i so loved (jeff buckley's last goodbye, keane's this is the last time, the sundays' here's where the story ends) have a different meaning, now that the person who was just there isn't there any more. and to quote another 80's hit,

i don't know how it happened, it all took place so quick. -- dire straits, your latest trick

something just happened. and i found out almost too late.

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(by the way, the lyrics look ridiculous... but these are the best i could find. maybe this is how it really goes.)

i wanted to be with you alone
and talk about the weather
but traditions i can trace against the child in your face
won't escape my attention
you keep your distance with a system of touch
and gentle persuasion
i'm lost in admiration could i need you this much
oh, you're wasting my time
you're just wasting time

something happens and i'm head over heels
i never find out till i'm head over heels
something happens and i'm head over heels
ah don't take my heart
don't break my heart
don't throw it away

i made a fire and watching it burn
i thought of your future
with one foot in the past now just how long will it last
no no no have you no ambition
my mother and my brothers used to breathe in clean air
and dreaming i'm a doctor
it's hard to be a man when there's a gun in your hand
oh i feel so...

something happens and i'm head over heels
i never find out till i'm head over heels
something happens and i'm head over heels
ah don't take my heart
don't break my heart
don't throw it away

and this my four leaf clover
i'm on the line, one open mind
this is my four leaf clover
this is how time flies

-- tears for fears, head over heels

have a break

one week to go before strama deadline... can i make it?

before i start off on my quest for excellence, i just wanted to get these thoughts out of my head. as if!

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i've always had difficulty dealing with boys. especially when my feelings are engaged. being the tomboy i am, i can always go the "one of the boys" route. but when i need to be different, and when one of those boys means something beyond friendship for me, i get all lost. i never really learned how to play that male/female thing. and being the real segurista person i am, i am appalled at the idea of even hinting that i feel something. it's not because i was this way before. it's just because i'd been burned really early in life, like when i was still in grade school. i know, kids are jerks sometimes. but when they grow up, sometimes they stay the same too.

i know all those cliches. no pain, no gain. no guts, no glory. but come on! the thing is, is good-natured teasing a good enough basis for taking a risk? i think not. i've waited this long to get involved, i think i deserve a louder knock on my door.

guys, i really need your help on this. i want concrete true-to-life advice. none of those stuff that serve my ego. how can i let him know he's ok with me without actually saying it? i think i've done my part, like not complaining when i get teased. the problem is, i don't feel chummy enough to ask him point blank about himself. we only had a relationship based on proximity, and not even that close in the first place. my best guy bud said that i'll know only when he's finally out of my life. the suspense is killing me.

q&a

i have a question. how do trackbacks work? what if i saw a blog entry on someone else's blog, and i want to write a whole commentary (not just a paragraph) based on that entry? obviously i've read the primer from the blog city admin, but i'm too lazy to look for the actual configuration... or how to get permissions and all that stuff. and honestly, i really don't have the time to do that right now. in fact, the last five minutes i spent writing this entry would have been better spent on something else. but that's just how i am.

how to dismantle an atomic bomb

and the other solutions to pressing problems, like finding world peace and the cure for aids.

u2 always gives me a buzz. my favorite among their new songs is the current single, city of blinding lights. it's romantic pala, especially when you hear the chorus. my all-time favorite song is stay (faraway, so close), i think from achtung baby, i don't remember. the title suggests something romantic, right? and if you hear the melody, you would think it was. but i read the lyrics just a couple of weeks ago and i realize it was about domestic violence (i think). hahaha was i way off mark there.

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so i was right all along. somewhere in this site i wondered how i was going to get over a major distraction, which at the time hadn't taken on massive proportions like that of a few weeks ago. what do you know? you fight off a distraction by getting distracted with something else! but make sure you have a deadline for that, so that the distraction does not become an object of obssession as well...