other people would be hung up on their age. never me. but with time passing rapidly and the days till i hit the magic number decreasing at warp speed, i find that i am way too obsessed with age. although for my part, it's the regret that i'll be without an excuse to stay immature. because somehow, hitting that big 3-0 comes with a certain... something that behaving in a manner less than responsibly will seem like an insult to the wisdom that comes with age.
i have always deplored my tendency for inaction. (if there's any consolation, i don't have to be bitter about grad school anymore, because i finished.) but i feel like i missed out on so many things that i could have done. some are little things, that are more like way-of-life as opposed to single events. like, i'm not fully exploring career options. or, i've not gone out on gimiks with friends more often. i've not gone out more often, more like. and there's that delaying the driving lessons thing. and that whole hoopla on love and relationships. i've barely scratched the surface of twentysomething independence, and it's being taken away from me.
maybe the reason i'm thinking too much about the implications of the impending birthday is that too many things are coming to a head all at the same time. i just finished grad school, so no more reason to put everything else on hold. reorg at the office made me think more than twice on my career direction, and whether i still wanted to hang on or finally let it go. then, losing the guilt over grad school should have been my ticket to doing more of the things i wanted to try. and i'm feeling a deadline because it's a little less becoming to stay at home dreaming when i should be mature enough to take action.the point is, i'm not ready to be thirty.
but there's nothing i can do about it.
