Showing posts with label words of wisdom. Show all posts
Showing posts with label words of wisdom. Show all posts

Sunday, March 5, 2006

one minute, kapeng mainit

i'm not taking credit for the following entry... a friend of mine who mass-emails all his friends at least 5 times every morning passed it on to me. if you happen to know the author, i'd be happy to acknowledge him. i've read so many horror stories about intellectual property rights being violated, i don't want to be a party to it.

the reason i'm posting this is because i'm dreadfully apathetic. i can't even write about this subject on my own steam. besides, this piece actually speaks approximately 95% of what i'm feeling, so i'll spare the world 500+ words of garbage.



Open Letter To Our Leaders

Dear Tita Cory, Senators, Congressmen, Businessmen, Media people, Leftists, and all Bleeding Hearts Out There:

I am angry. And I know that there are many out there who are angrier than I am for the same reason. And that reason is simple. I am sick and tired of all you guys claiming to speak for me and many Filipinos. I feel like screaming every time you mouth words about fighting for my freedom and my rights, when you obviously are just thinking about yours. You tell me that the essence of democracy is providing every citizen the right to speak his or her mind and make his or her own informed judgments, but you yourselves do not respect my silence and the choices I and many others have made. In other words, your concept of democracy is limited to having your rights and your freedoms respected, at the expense of ours.

I am utterly flabbergasted that you still do not get it: we already responded to your calls, and our response has been very clear - we chose not to heed your calls to go to EDSA or to Fort Bonifacio not because we do not love our country or our freedoms or our rights, but precisely because we love our country even more. Because quite frankly, we are prepared to lose our freedoms and our rights just to move this country forward. You may think that is not correct, you can tell me all the dire warnings about the evils of authoritarian rule, but quite frankly all we see is your pathetic efforts to prop up your cause. You tell me that you are simply protecting my freedoms and my rights, but who told you to do that? I assure you that when I feel that my rights and my freedoms are at a peril, I will stand up and fight for them myself.

You tell us that GMA is not the right person to lead this country because she has done immoral acts. As someone who sees immorality being committed wantonly in many ways every day and by everyone (yes, including the ones you do), I may have become jaded. But you have not been able to offer me any viable alternative, while GMA has bent over backwards many times to accommodate you while continuing to work hard despite all the obstacles and the brickbats you have thrown her way. From where I sit, she is the one who has been working really hard to move this country forward while all of you have been so busy with one and only one thing: to make sure she does not succeed. So forgive me if I do not want to join you in your moral pissing contest. Forgive me if I have chosen to see things from another perspective. You say she is the problem. I say, we are the problem, more to the point, I think you are a bigger problem than she is. Taking her out may solve part of the problem, but that leaves us with a bigger problem: you. That is right, YOU!

While I felt outraged that she called a Comelec official during the elections and that she may have rigged the elections, I have since then taken the higher moral ground and forgiven her. Yes my dear bishops, I have done what you have told me to do since I was a child, which you say is the Christian and moral thing to do: forgive. Especially since she has asked for forgiveness and has tried to make amends for it. Erap certainly has not apologized and continues to be defiant, continuing to insult us everyday with his protestations. Cory has not apologized for her incompetence but we have forgiven her just the same because like GMA, she has worked hard after all.

I know you do not think that GMA's apology was not enough, or that she was insincere, or that that apology should not be the end of it, but please spare me the hypocrisy of telling me that you do so for the sake of protecting the moral fibre of society. The real reason is because you smell blood and wants to go for the kill.

Well, I have news for you. I do not like her too. I did not even vote for her. I voted for Raul Roco. But as much as I do not like her, I do not like you even more. I may not trust her, but guess what, I do not trust you even more.

You know why? Because all you do is whine and sabotage this country. You belittle every little progress we make, conveniently forgetting that it is not just GMA who has been working so hard to achieve them. Every single day, we keep the faith burning in our hearts that this country will finally pull itself out of the mess and we work so hard to do that. Every little progress is the result of our collective effort, we who toil hard everyday in our jobs. Yet, you persist in one and only thing: making GMA look bad in the eyes of the world and making sure that this country continues to suffer to prove your sorry point. In the process, you continue to destroy what we painstakinly try to built. So please do not be surprised that I do not share your cause. Do not be surprised that we have become contemptuous of your antics. You have moved heaven and earth to destroy her credibility, you have convened all kinds of fora and hearings and all you have done is test our patience to the core. For all your effort, you have only succeeded in dragging us further down. I say enough.

Don't get me wrong. I am not asking that we take immorality lying down, or that we let the President get away with anything illegal. But you have tried to prove your accusations all these time and you have not succeeded, so it is time to let things be. Besides, you are doing something immoral as well if not utterly unforgivable. The Magdalo soldiers are consorting with the communists - the same people who have been trying to kill democracy for years. Cory has been consorting with Erap and the Marcoses.

So please wake up and take a reality check. In the absence of true and genuine moral leadership, many of us have decided to cast our lot with the President, even if we do not like her. A flawed leader is better than scheming power hungry fools who can not even stand up for their convictions in the face of an impending arrest.

Your coup attempts and the denials that you have consequently made only underscore what we think is true: you are spineless and unreliable people whose only defense is to cry suppression when your ruse do not work. You are like bullies who taunt and provoke, but cry oppression when taken to task for your cruelty.

I would have respected you if you took the consequences of your actions like real heroes: calmly and responsibly instead of kicking and screaming and making lame excuses. You say you are willing to die for us, that you do all these things for the country and the Filipino, but you are not even willing to go to jail for us.

Come on, you really think we believe that you did not want to bring down the government when that is the one and only thing you have been trying to do in the last many months?

We love this country and we want peace and progress. Many among us do not give a f*&k who sits at Malacanang because we will work hard and do our share to make things work. If you only do your jobs, the ones that we elected you to do, things would be a lot simpler and easier for every one.

The events during the weekend only proved one thing. You are more dangerous and a serious threat to this country than GMA is. We have seen what you are capable of doing - you are ready to burn this country and reduce everything to ashes just to prove your point. If there is something that we need protection from, it is protection from you.



ps. in case you were wondering, i voted for roco too. though i was almost swayed by eddie v's spin doctors.

Monday, September 12, 2005

one bad trip

sometimes life just won't go the way you want it to. it doesn't stay bad all the time, it just seems that way. and when you're in that zone, even good things can pull a fast one. it's all in the mind.



a lot of people probably dream of bumming but don't really do it for extensive periods of time. and not having what you want probably increases the attraction a hundredfold. so you just settle for a weekend of spending quality time in front of the telly, even at the expense of good sleep. nothing beats the tiredness at the end of the day, the guilt at all the time wasted, the highs of pretending you got something out of it, and the simple joy of having your own way.


happiness is a perception. it reflects the relative value of something in our life. long-term happiness can mean that we really are getting much of what we wanted. or it could mean that we are not putting much importance on the things that are absent. but the small things that make us happy are just as significant. they get us through those sad times. they bring color into our drab lives. they give us hope that one day, there'll be more.

Friday, June 17, 2005

ode to youth

of birthdays and the days in between

october 19th. the eve of my 23rd birthday. we were all there waiting. so many excuses. finally you did come, and you made our day.

december 4th. ces' 20th birthday. we all piled into frank's car, which was still in its original paintwork, and headed to your house to fetch you. your city was a fun place to get lost in, when you're young and with friends you love.

november 20th. two days before frank's 20th birthday. i decided to cut out and run because i can't decide between frank's party and ness's party. so while i was wearing out my feet in hongkong, you were having a blast at the mall and frank's house.

one day in june. i'm sure it wasn't on the day of your 20th birthday. we spent a whole day at your house, met your parents and siblings, conducted some semblance of a workshop, and headed to the theater to see the controversial rosanna roces movie.

november 22nd. frank's 23rd birthday. you might say everyone who was anyone was there, except the one who i would've expected to be there. where were you? i didn't find out until much later.

december 8th. four days after ces celebrated her 23rd. i was worried about what my folks would say about getting home late, but it didn't matter. it was the last time i would see you, and you didn't even know it.

june 17th. you would have been 27 today. sometimes i wonder if our ties would be much stronger if we were given a chance to build them. maybe it's just our fate to have a few bittersweet memories to share. maybe we needed to wake up and stop being complacent. life is too short to waste wishing for something better.

Wednesday, June 8, 2005

i refuse to fall in love

I refuse to fall in love again. I understand the overwhelming reaction it provokes on anyone it touches, which only reminds me that situations of intense hatred are not all that far removed from intense love. They are strong, driving and powerful – which makes them dangerous.

Don’t get me wrong I have nothing against love. My cynicism has not been totally hacked away, but chipped chunks of it permit some glimmer of light to shine through. Love is beautiful… love is sublime. Love is the greatest inexplicable feeling of all. All too true, but perhaps, meant only for other people. Not I. Not just yet anyway.

It isn’t that I’m obtuse, as much as I know that love can make people do things they wouldn’t normally do. Love has a way of taking you out of yourself and making you dedicate yourself to another, who may or may not respond in kind. Love is also a very disruptive experience. All your life you walk alone then all of the sudden somebody comes along and shakes all that. All this is what I find formidable - the power of the unknown. I have not been unloved, and I am not a total stranger to the feeling. I know how it feels to fall in love – the exultant euphoria of coming across a special stranger who touches something deep within you. Perhaps that is what I fear – to lose control to another human being like that, knowing all too well how fallible human beings are despite love; it is an unsettling prospect at best. Whenever I feel the pangs of stirring affection, the full of heady attraction, of the aching pain of missing someone of whom I am very fond of, it is not long before I stop myself and hold back, creating a safe distance, an impasse from which I can view this intruder with a cool, detached critical eye, not driven and blinded by wild, unreliable passion. I will myself to drift away – “I can live without this person” is what I often tell myself – in order to prevent the other from overwhelming me. Because I know that when I fall – I fall hard. And, if I fall again – I’ll fall harder. Which only make me hold back all the more. That is, keep everything to myself… silently.

Is it selfish to relinquish the “I” for an unassured “WE”? Perhaps, but when it has taken too long to find that “I”, one cannot entirely put to task for wanting to cherish the treasure of self longer than usual. At this point, I cannot gamble myself the self I sought for so long for the promise of a “YOU” and “I”; what guarantee is there that the other will not simply take my heart and stomp on it? Love gives no guarantee, and trust that is needed to bridge this uncertainty is perhaps what gives love its luster. But I have never been one easily given to trust, and therefore taking the leap into love is not an easy decision to make for me. Others plunge in with nary a second thought. They are not I.

Perhaps this primal insecurity only speaks of immaturity, and hence the inability to love, truly love. For mature or being in-love is one that does not seek fulfillment in the other, nor dependence, but rather, the mutual understanding and exchange of love connecting only to themselves.

Then, maybe then… when I am ready and bold enough to risk my heart again in asking the same promise which brought me to grief… IT COULD BE THE LAST.



i forwarded this essay (author unknown -- i don't even remember how i got it) to a friend of mine, at a time when we were both dealing with questions and heartache. everyone must have gone through the same thing when falling in love -- the denial, pain, anguish, and finally, hope. when you think of it, this falling-in-love business should already go smoothly, with the wealth of experience since the beginning of time that can be used for reference. it should go like clockwork, and processes should have been defined (imagine falling in love documented in an ISO manual). but the differences that make us into individual beings are a big factor, and each distinct experience become vastly different from others just because the person is different.

novices find it hard to take the plunge, because of fear of the unknown. but people with experience are wary of getting hurt as well, because they have been hurt before. or if not, they want the real thing next time, and are scared to risk time and effort for something that might not be worth it.

so, now what?

Friday, June 3, 2005

words of wisdom, part 2

from hiram:
love is something that is offered to you and for you to accept. if it is swept away by the wind it may never come back to you... it will be caught by someone else. you only realize the value of it when it's lost.

from gabby:
in this world, we can never have everything we want. so let's be happy with what we have as of now.

from me:
pride goeth before the fall.

from me, again:
a declaration of love does not a relationship make.

from the devil on my right shoulder:
stop blabbing such nonsense. get on with your life already.

when i meet my match

i visited batjay's blog today, just for the heck of it. i don't think i'll ever get to read all the posts he's ever written since he started. but even if my neck is painful from stiffness, i can't seem to get enough of him. he and his wife jet are very, very good. mike says he and his honey read their blogs often. but that isn't what this post is about.

one of batjay's posts has this title, which happens to be one of the classic lines from when harry met sally:

when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.

i wish the rest of my life would start right now.

Sunday, May 29, 2005

dilemmas

how do you know if you matter to someone?

i asked this question a long time ago because i never knew if my instincts were right, or if it was just wishful thinking.

it was naive of me to think that love (or any form of it) is just black or white. even if i didn't like it, gray is such a big part of it. such that anything and everything can be subject to a million and one interpretations. anything we do can go one way or the other. it is hard to discern whether something really holds meaning or if it was just an empty phrase.

how do we move when we're going on nothing? nothing is crystal clear, everything is a muddle.

ignorance is bliss. it allows for the illusion that everything is perfect. but when the questions come, they remained unanswered. it won't keep you warm at night.

laying down all the cards entails a lot of risk. especially if someone is doing it for the first time. there is a fear of rejection and humilitation, and not going back to the way it was.

what middle ground can there be? minds are not on the same plane all the time. just when do you know if you've done too much or too little? who can tell it anyway?

in the first place, why can't we just come out and say what we want to say? why don't we go after what we want? why are we afraid of repercussions? expectations, disillusionment, are these really our responsibility?
all these questions and no answers. i've never had so many in my life, at a time when i needed them the least.

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

two star

now i'm free to say it.

for so many months i wondered if i was shirking my duty. i tried to be sensible. i tried to be open-minded. i knew what i was up against. i spoke my mind, but i knew how futile it was. through it all, i wondered if i would survive that assault to the very core of my principles. i'm not even a principled person, for that matter. i don't have the courage to carry my convictions. i was annoyed, but i had to stay. even if you didn't feel it, i was right behind you, hoping i didn't have to catch your fall.

the right path has never been so clearer. go where fate leads you.

well it's not for me to say,
but i can't see what you see in him anyway.
but such righteousness in me
is not a nice thing to display,
and who am i for chrissakes anyway
to judge a life this way

when my own's in disarray?

i watch saturday kids' tv
with the sound turned down.
i leave food on the eiderdown.
all my thoughts pushed underground.

maybe you're happy
- everyone says you are.
you drive around on two star,
you leave your life ajar,
and god knows you deserve it.
bad luck follows everyone.

so go on, and stop listening to me.
stop listening to me.
and don't ask me how i feel.
don't ask me how i feel.

so it's not for me to say,
because i change my mind from day to day,
and when i look at you
i only see bits of myself anyway.

so go on, and stop listening to me.
stop listening to me.
and don't ask me what to say,
or to judge a life this way

when my own's in disarray.

-- everything but the girl, two star

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

keep hanging on

part 7 of the philosophical discourses on waiting

tonight i met up with my original gimik gang. the three of us were part of the same group in high school, and whenever i'm asked who my friends are they're the first to come to mind. i'd been nursing a headache since morning but i decided to go because i hadn't seen my best friend in so many weeks, and it was time to catch up.

inevitably the discussion led to our respective love lives -- or in my case, my perceived lack thereof. some people would argue that i had one. but the truth is, anything that can be used as proof in that argument is either nonexistent or an assumption, which amounts to nothing. i was (again) bemoaning the fact that i'm still unattached, while both of my girl friends are so much into their significant others.

i know, there's nothing really wrong with being single. in fact, i know i'm not ready for a relationship at this time. but the subject is such a thorn in my side because of the mere fact that i've never had a boy friend. not in high school, not in college, and obviously not at work or grad school. it's one more reason why i've become so insecure about myself, it actually becomes a vicious cycle because my insecurity feeds my anxiety about having a love life.

hearing me rant and rave about the subject probably exasperated the girls somehow, because they finally joked that they were gonna raffle me off. ha. maybe because i told them i didn't want to get serious about love the first time. weird, i know. i felt like i missed out on being with someone in a carefree way, so i wanted to recapture my youth in that aspect. besides, i knew i wasn't ready for the serious stuff. sounds like a recipe for disaster. which is probably why god hasn't given me that blessing yet, because i wanted it for the wrong reasons.

Monday, October 18, 2004

quoteable quotes

i had to dig deep into my inbox for this one...

i was having a text message marathon with a friend of mine, who mentioned that he was always sleepy. this was my reply:

"ang antukin... kulang sa tulog."

then i remembered why i was also sleepy that day:

"ang antukin... insomniac."

such is the product of a stagnating mind and a really boring afternoon.

Friday, October 8, 2004

words of wisdom

sometimes, in the course of conversation (especially when i'm wearing my advice columnist hat), i come up with a string of gibberish that becomes a manifestation of genius. i have to admit, a lot of them are unintentional, serendipitous, and at times induce stomach pains (from laughing so hard). but a lot of them are now gone forever from memory, and only a few are remembered.

so now, i'm starting a new series in my blog, to immortalise these gems forever, until the server of my blog host crashes.

Always remember that if a person loved you once, even after a hundred years, that love will still be there but the person will always deny it.

Tuesday, July 20, 2004

random thoughts

i don't want to wait for our lives to be over
i want to know right know what will it be
i don't want to wait for our lives to be over
will it be yes or will it be sorry

-- paula cole, i don't want to wait



talk about a fine line between love and hate
we've lost more than our direction of late
talk about a fine line between lovers and friends
we've never been lovers and now we're not even friends
in this invisible war, seems we're waging an invisible war
every day i seem to lose you more in this invisible war

-- julia fordham, invisible war



everyone keeps asking, what's it all about?
i used to be so certain and i can't figure out
what is this attraction? i only feel the pain
there's nothing left to reason and only you to blame
will it ever change?
cause i am barely breathing and i can't find the air
i don't know who i'm kidding imagining you care
and i could stand here waiting a fool for another day
i don't suppose it's worth the price, worth the price
the price that i would pay
but i'm thinking it over anyway

-- duncan sheik, barely breathing



yesterday, i was feeling safe
all i do today is trying to be brave
and no melody can seem to soothe my mind
and now i curse you for being so sweet and so kind

-- d'sound, tattooed on my mind

Monday, July 5, 2004

taking chances

how to get to your mid-20s and still maintain your ignorance

1. fear

the sources of distress in our lives are always linked to some form of fear: fear of the unknown, fear of rejection, fear of commitment, to name a few. meanwhile everything we celebrate is a triumph over fear. so why do we always succumb to fear? are not human beings supposed to be of advanced intellect? yet it proves to be no match to the irrationality of fear. and so instead of actively promoting our welfare, we always hold back. and thus we remain in the dark.

2. courage

everyone is made up of a healthy dose of fear. yet we also contain a sufficient shot of courage. somebody once said: courage is not the absence of fear. apparently, it is true. because while we fear one thing, we can also face another. it is a paradox often found in life. courage can be used sparingly and unwisely at times, for blind courage can lead to more harm than good. and in so knowing, we keep ourselves even from discreet exercise of courage. and thus we end up not using it at all.

3. truth

truth is far from being absolute and complete. for in the paradox of life, what maybe true in one instance can be the opposite in another. often there is a mix of both sides of the story that make up the real truth but because of our limitation as imperfect beings, we can only perceive one facet of the truth and deign it to be absolute. thus when we are apprised of another facet that we cannot comprehend, we cannot accept it without an open mind.

4. taking chances

fear can inhibit
brazenness can injure
and truth can distort
and we take chances no more.

Tuesday, June 29, 2004

time

for my best bud, in these turbulent times

it is not a thing to be held or to be kept
but it can be cherished

and when it passes we cannot see it
nor can we keep it from its path

it is not a thing
but it tells so much

and while you fear that not seizing the moment will rob you of your desires
on the contrary, time will show you exactly what you need and want
and a view from a distance gives a more comprehensive perspective

be not afraid of time or distance
for patience is a valuable virtue
and a love that endures is the love worth having

still a little bit of your taste in my mouth
still a little bit of you laced with my doubt
still a little hard to say what's going on

still a little bit of your ghost your witness
still a little bit of your face i haven't kissed
you step a little closer each day
and i can't see what's going on

stones taught me to fly
love taught me to lie
life taught me to die
so it's not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball

still a little bit of your song in my ear
still a little bit of your words i long to hear
you step a little closer to me
so close that i can't see what's going on

stones taught me to fly
love taught me to lie
life taught me to die
so it's not hard to fall
when you float like a cannon

stones taught me to fly
love taught me to cry
so come on courage!
teach me to be shy
'cause it's not hard to fall and i don't want to scare her
it's not hard to fall and i don't wanna lose
it's not hard to grow
when you know that you just don't know

-- damien rice, cannonball

Saturday, May 29, 2004

dear abby, part 2

dear jenny,

it's hard to be sensible about love, especially when it happens for the first time. even more difficult when there are many first times, as i'm sure you are bound to spell out. love is not just an event. it is a process. it doesn't happen all of a sudden, though many claim otherwise. and even if it did, it doesn't survive if not sustained, or nurtured, as you were asking.

it is true that it takes two people to sustain love. but a lot also depends on each person's discernment of the situation and the extent of their emotional control. i will not elaborate anymore, but both factors contribute in sustaining the relationship, and only if both parties direct them to the same outcome. it all boils down to choice. you can choose to fall in love anytime if you wanted to, but it involves knowing yourself and the other person thoroughly. and that is why it is hard to determine if a relationship is real love or not. because both people involved make choices on the extent of their involvement and how close to their true selves they allow themselves to be.

do not be afraid of love. if it's the wrong time, it will hurt but it will pass if not sustained. if it's the right time, it will still be hard but if you both want it bad enough you will get there. in the meantime, enjoy life as it comes. everything that happens to you is an emotional investment into your future.

abby

Thursday, May 27, 2004

dear abby

one time i read a book where the main character writes for the school paper. one of her regular but little-known columns is the advice column. i then realized that it was something i would have wanted to do back in high school. aside from getting points for the fame (or infamy), it would have been a good use of my penchant for channeling "ate helen". i carried this persona into my adult years, and my best friends have always told me that i give sound advice. and one of the main reasons i even considered putting up my own blog is the chance to dole them out to other people. could be i'm a really frustrated emotional exhibitionist. but unsolicited or not, i put great value on my ability to discern many facets of one issue. it's deciding which side to finally focus on that i'm having a hard time with.

so this time i'm putting the blog to good use. here is a "dear abby" letter that i'm sure all of us have wanted to write.


dear abby,

is there something wrong with a person who has never fallen in love? what if a person has had so many close calls but never calls the bluff? is it a matter of pride? self-preservation? or stupidity? is it really possible that one knows his own mind so little as to mistake love for something else? or is it seeing purely in black and white when it is an interesting shade of gray?

how does one know if that one close call could really have been love? is love something that is either there or not? or is it something that comes with accepting the terms? something nurtured?

how does one go on when love is not the right word? how does one deal with expectation, pride and loss? most of all, how does one forget the pain of knowing one is wrong and the pain
of letting go?

sincerely, jenny (real name withheld for sake of contrived mystery)

abby's response to be posted soon

Thursday, January 1, 1998

bitter pill

people say we can't help it
but i know better, because we can
and even if i can suppress it
i don't want to
because i want what i feel
and who i feel it for
you of all people should know
although you don't feel it in return for me