drinking is just the way we keep away the cold

mum was always telling me that i had super sensitive instincts. i'm not sure if i really believed in that kind of thing or not, but today proved how right mum was to think it.

i had a dinner date with a friend this evening, and obviously that was uppermost in my mind today. and all the while i was also thinking of someone else whom i hadn't seen in a long time, and couldn't help wishing that i would.  tonight. the thought that i knew just how likely it would happen (which was not at all) was the one thing that kept me from actually doing anything short of actually begging.

out of the blue, i got a message. from that someone else. and the news that followed that first message had me silently freaking out and i still don't know if it's the good or bad kind. if i believed in signs, i'd have thought that the universe was telling me something in a massive billboard along the highway. but what this was a sign for is anyone's guess because i don't remember asking the universe for signs at all.

you're the only one i want, the only one i need, the only one on my mind all the time.

- ben lee, birthday song 

do i look like a piggy bank?

because just the other day i've been approached by not one, but two people who for some reason don't have enough money to get home.

http://www.bloggingpinoy.com/?p=138

btw i'm now a member of blogging pinoy, so please check it out.

ignorance is bliss, but what you don't know may hurt you

x-posted on blurry landscapes

my dear aunt always warned me about showing off my gadgets while on public transport. there's the danger of getting my phone or my mp3 player stolen from right under my nose, or, like what happened to me once, dropping the device and sitting on tenterhooks waiting for the people to get off so i can search on the floor (thankfully that one ended well). and if she had known just how much i depend on my mp3 player while on the bus, she'd have warned me even more about paying attention to my surroundings. well, this time, she didn't need to. i found out on my own.

the problem with traffic in the philippines is that if the driver doesn't act like he's king of the road, he'd end up as the whipping boy. from buses to jeepneys to the tricycles (the frailest motorized public transport in the world), each has to assert its own supremacy on the road to the detriment of the unfortunate slow car that blocked its way. regular commuters on the provincial line can only shake their heads and hold on to their seats whenever the driver weaves in and out of the obstacle course that is the slex at full speed. so last night, while i was mentally bobbing my head to foo fighters' five songs and a cover, i barely paid attention when the bus made that unmistakable lurch that meant it was overtaking and had to abort. after that i got a brainwave, and decided to no longer endure the cold blast from the aircon vent so i put on my blazer. then the bus stopped at the intersection, i looked up, and i knew that something was wrong.

i used to hate sitting at the back rows of the bus because i had terrible motion sickness as a kid. but now that i've been commuting for nine years, i found that the only thing that beats sitting at the rear is sitting at front with no seatmates. and i just happened to barely catch the bus before leaving the terminal, so i was sharing the last three-seater with another woman and her little girl. and having my earphones glued to my ears closed me off from the world, so i was like "whuh?" when i noticed the commotion at the front of the bus. and however much i listened, i really couldn't get what was happening. after about five minutes the bus moved again, but all the people in front of me alternated between standing and peeking at the road ahead, and talking excitedly amongst themselves. i was still helplessly clueless.

the bus let off a few more passengers, and finally stopped in front of the gate of the military camp in my town. i knew something was up. i finally asked the guy in front of me what was happening. apparently, the bus tried to overtake an armored car and got into a bind, but the armored car wouldn't budge. luckily, the oncoming vehicle from the opposite direction gave way and the bus surged ahead, but the armored car still pulled ahead of us. at the intersection, which is an unofficial bus stop, the armored car blocked our bus and some guy with a rifle came out. and everyone who was supposed to get off obviously scrambled back in fear. i heard from a different witness the even the driver sprang out of his seat after locking his window and the door. it was unclear how the standoff ended, but eventually the armored car pulled away, and the people at front memorized the plate number to tell the police. presently the bus moved again, and my suspicions were proven correct when we turned into the town proper (which the bus never does on the regular trip) and headed to the municipality police station, where the passengers at the front as well as the bus driver and conductor gave their statements. the men in the armored car were detained.

all's well that ends well. ya think? my aunt made a comment about obnoxious armored car drivers who think they're king. i refrained from making my own case about bus drivers who should be driving for ferrari. but the sorry state of the world is that road rage is no longer uncommon. only a few weeks ago a bus driver was shot dead from a road skirmish at edsa. this is not the biggest reason why i'm still ambivalent about driving. i have to wonder, though, why i'm still indifferent about it. i'm worried that i've become so apathetic that i can only summon a token amount of fear when i found out what happened. it makes me wonder if this level of egocentricity (is that even a word?) is still healthy.

burning the midnight oil

omg this is just. too. silly. a result of two hours of sleep the previous night, all-around fatigue, and trying to stay up and study the night away. a saturday night at that.

it actually starts midnight saturday/sunday.

countdown to an hour

12.02 on my laptop's clock. let's see if i can last an hour before succumbing to sleep.

12.36 i'm still alive, a bit more than barely, though every minute is a test made from hell. started playing my ipod connected to a speaker... "are you all right?" ron asked the beuatiful girl, he know wthat molly would do us in your pants later akoo.


i hope thie se-

dang i hate closing my eyes on my late, somdd

and definete;u you can secon nad straten you hair. it is siend


12.41 (omg what kind of sentence was that????) i kept changing up the songs on my ipod so that i can finally reached his hand, whoever thought to Im[erius her, but that would mean too much, they were plasiging and dad

12.43 i swear i am doing more to this entry, which i shall say, that harry, he know you are no problem. ron and hermione, this is what we cam here

12.44 man sleep... i really need it, after only two hours last niiiiiiiiiiight

so. did it make any sense? i though not. i mean, anything at all that doesn't make sense, like the harry potter references... that's the sleep talking. hahahahahaha.

i'm with stupid

it's another friday afternoon, and i'm waiting - impatiently - for the clock to point to 530.

it's been a not-so-good day all around. i just want to go home. i'm tired, cranky, and feel so, so stupid. and for the hundred thousandth time, wishing that my strama is over and done with . so i can get on with the rest of my life.

a funny thing happened on my way to the office

before anything else, i'm pimping my friend chary's new lj comm, gingersnaps_fic, which is where she's posting this whole saga of gingers from harry potter. i'll leave you to discover just who's on there. suffice to say this is what i'm into 24/7, basically doing beta work and being the wall (where she bounces ideas off of).

oh, since i already upgraded my lj account to plus, i get to post this by email. same as with my two other blogs. yippee. no more website problems, hopefully. now i just have to master the lj-cut.

so, friday last week. i tuned in to mornings at maxville just in time. vito and tetta have been pimping this show over the last few days, because they have a guest coming in: a psychic/clairvoyant going by the name angel. who just happens to be on the phonebook of several politicians and big-name networks, and whose mobile will ring even at odd hours of the night. that's how in demand she is.

obviously, angel is there primarily to give some general predictions to ring in the new year, and some specific predictions for the resident skeptic, vito. and if time allows, even the listeners of the show. so they invited said listeners to text in their names and birthdays, and their specific query if they have one. since they said the magic word, this minion sent her name and birthday, and no specific question since she was curious what angel will think is a significant matter for her. and then i waited.

it didn't take long. after vito's enviable forecast (like, hello, if someone told you to trust your instincts because you'll hardly get it wrong, expect everyone else to be green), tetta announced that they picked two listeners off the list of many (i assumed) texters. and the lucky person who got first mention was me (surprise!) i don't remember the specifics, but the gist is that this might be a good year to look for a new job or some other line of work, or get into some new moneymaking scheme. but the clincher was, angel also said that my work right now is b-o-r-i-n-g. i swear i almost laughed out loud in the car, and i was listening though my headset!

honestly, i don't put too much store in predictions, horoscopes and the like. i'm not one of those people who would pay good money to have my fortune read from tarot cards. but i don't reject them outright either. one of my biggest character traits (which i acknowledge is that of a typical libra) is believing any argument that has a logical basis or explanation. even if two opposite arguments are presented to me, i have the tendency to believe both, with some twisted logic in my head connecting them. actually it's quite simplistic, i just think that every side of an argument always has a basis, even if the conclusion itself is faulty. so the gist of that pretty convoluted rambling is that i can believe anything. and in that vein, i still believe, somewhat, in fortunetelling, but my own interpretation of that belief is that 1) i can always spin a prediction to mean several different things, and it can always apply, and 2) it is ultimately my choice. no matter what the foretune teller tells you to do, if it's not in you to do it, then it won't happen. and i'm stopping here before i start getting confused in my own logic.

and the last funny thing, which happened when i'm at the office, is that my officemate (who also listens to the program) asked me if i'm going to look for a new job. secret!

stay awake

this is the first time in the last few years that i've been this excited about christmas. maybe it's the ipod i'm supposed to be getting (which i haven't yet... grrr :D). but other than that, i really don't know what's different about this year. i just feel different for some reason.

i've taken the next few days off, which are the last few days of the year here in my part of the world. the 30th and 31st are official holidays, and since the 29th falls on a saturday, this means there are three days left for the year. yay. it just so happens that i have 3 days' leave left for this year.

i've not been expecting too much for this christmas, hence i wasn't disappointed with it like i felt the last few years. my goddaughters liked the presents i gave them, thankfully. and the family gatherings were all happy. i even got to take some naps, which i chose over internet time because sleep was a rare luxury in the last few days. i also got to watch mythbusters with my cousins, and we were laughing at the holiday-themed shenanigans of jamie, adam, tori, grant andkari. and then, to really make my day, i finally got to read my christmas present from alohachary1851. all those days i chatted with her while i'm at work lead to that very cute charlie/tonks story, an outtake on her mating of the wersh alternate universe. thanks for a lovely gift, chary!

my biggest achievement for this christmas, though, is completing the nine novena dawn masses, called simbang gabi, for the first time in my life. i have to thank my parents for that, too, for waking me up at an ungodly hour to make the 4 am mass. i didn't care that i seriously lacked sleep over the week this went on, and that i wasn't being my best self in the mornings. i finally finished it, and before i turn 30.

oh, and i think chocolate is the sole reason for holiday weight gain. especially if chocolate fountains are involved.

merry christmas to all!

listening to: punk goes 90's; radiohead, in rainbows; dashboard confessional, the shade of poison trees; foo fighters, echoes, silence, patience, & grace

sunshine on a cloudy day

fridays are not for working, they're for thinking about sunshine

the past few days have been unbearably inconsistent weather-wise. i probably didn't need to say it, but what the heck.

one day this week i rode the bus to work and i was surprised when i came upon a janitor mopping up the puddles at the buendia mrt station. but as i was walking on that dumbass pavement they called a sidewalk, i started feeling the heat -- and not from the conversation i was having with my bud from work. i went out lunchtime armed with my rain jacket and an umbrella, just in case the downpour from the previous hour gave a repeat performance... but nooooo. the whole time i was out on the streets, the sun proved its might as if mocking me and my just-pampered-newly-trimmed hair. yeah, the one time i did not need the hassle of breaking out in sweat.

---

my sunshine, julian.

hey nic, wasn't it you who wrote about keeping tabs on some korean telenovelas in the us? have you seen mai geol yet? yep, it's airing here right now on channel 2. and i'm so totally in love with seol gong chan (hereabouts known as julian).

to think that i was a bit amused at the idea that my friend ness bought the dvd box set (from lei's suking pirata). and even my recent fascination with princess lulu did not prepare me for this ultimate fanaticism. but the hopeless romantic in me just can't resist the charms of the stoic but caring grandson. and after the marathon session at ness' place last night (i still have 3 more discs to watch -- a total of 6 hours of torture), i could hardly think of anything else. really. i was so unproductive at work today, it's a wonder i even remembered to have a cake delivered from aristocrat (i'm telling you, their chocolate supreme is even better than polly's, though also more pricey). and it took all my willpower to wait for lunchtime to view my friendster page, to get my lee dong wook fix. for once, having lunch was not a priority.

see, who can blame me for complaining about real life? fiction may be insubstantial, but temporary happiness is better than nothing at all.

song of the week: top suzara, sabihin mo na (cheesefest! but my girl is sooo worth it!)

sunshine

where is a good cup of coffee when you need it?

don't know what exactly went wrong today.

was it my late start, which was caused partly by laziness and partly by the proximity of ness' condo to makati?
was it the misfortune of standing inside the mrt until i reached shaw boulevard station?
was it dread caused by attending the department heads' meeting, when i wanted to avoid the boss?
was it delaying lunch until we got back to makati office?
was it anxiety over our presentation on 5s this afternoon?
was it apprehension over our senior management presentation next tuesday?
was it the fact that i'm still in the office past 6 pm, printing out materials from a fucked-up printer, and me feeling so sleepy and tired?
was it facing the improbability of attending first friday mass today?
was it the realization that i want to get home -- to lb -- right away, but i'm still stuck here?

whatever the reason, i am so unhappy with this day. i can't wait for it to end.

this printer really is irritating me.

it's not unusual

it's summer once again, and with the season comes one of the most anticipated workplace activities... summer outings!

since our company has more than 300 employees in the head office/petron office alone, we were allowed to organize our own departmental outing. some have already gone to popular beach retreats like batangas, or water world resorts like fontana. one department even went as far as boracay (but this was planned way in advance). but when my department (along with 3 others) were asked where we were going for our outing, we were met with either trying-to-take-you-seriously expressions, or the more frank "talaga nga? totoo?". that's because we went to enchanted kingdom.

oh, come on. don't tell me you haven't heard of a company outing at EK. even i tagged along on my mom's outing for my first visit. but in this case, what people probably found incredible is that we were mostly singles or have no kids on tow. actually, only one of us had her kids come and she lived virtually next door to EK. but the point was, were were mostly in our twenties and we probably wanted to capture our lost youth -- or at least, go back to college age, which i knew i always wanted to do. and for a few hours, we were teenagers again.

yesterday we had our lunch at luk yuen in glorietta, and we boarded the bus going to balibago, sta. rosa at 2pm. EK day-trippers had separate (more expensive) tickets, but now i know how to get there much more cheaply. anyway, we got there at around 4 and the fun begins! first we got on the bumpcars -- tame in the fear factor but fun just the same. and of course just one turn is not enough, and the second run was better because i had more control of the car i was driving. after that we went on the pretend hot air balloons, then on the kids' rollercoaster (to get revved up?). i passed on anchors away, and got on jungle log jam and space shuttle -- my favorite thrill rides. and because of too much excitement i got real dizzy. whoa, i really should have remembered i was prone to motion sickness. which is why i opted not to go on rio grande, even if i was really looking forward to it. sigh. but even then, the bunch of us went home happy as clams.

i can't wait to see the pictures... and show them once i've learned how to post them ;)

good eats!

one of my favorite shows on the food network is alton brown's good eats. every episode he features one food item -- like tofu, for instance -- and tells its story in a very interesting manner. off-putting to some, maybe, but refreshingly different.

this is not a story on every food featured on good eats. but it is about good eats... the ones you encounter on that day when you least expect to celebrate food and the place that is highly suspect for hygiene. this is about the wonderful world of food you find on november first. at the cemetery.

when i started going to the catholic cemetery more than a decade ago, there is limited choice on offer. just the typical small-time carinderia fare like palamig, pineapple juice (di-takal syempre), banana cue, and the jack and jill fun snacks. at the time i rarely bought food from the stalls, usually i brought my own or i eat back at the house which is only a few minutes away. but now, the number of people in the cemetery just manning the food stalls can equal the number of visitors, any given time. and yesterday, i had the time of my life checking out the good eats.

at the cemetery entrance were the more popular food chains: mc donald's, pizza hut, doner durum (the local shawarma shop). a bit further is the purefoods stall, complete with the large skillet thing. here's where i got my bacon cheesedog sandwich and canned soda. but scattered on every remaining available space are the stalls selling proven, kwek kwek, squid balls, fish balls, even papu's siomai (one of uplb's most popular street food). i helped myself to a few bags of crispy chicken skin, only my mom's caution stopped me from getting the proven as well. of course, there are still the vendors selling the good old palamig and junk food, but with more choices than ever before. not to mention the people going around hawking chicharon, mani, kasoy, and "dirty" ice cream. and do you know that mc donald's has joined the bandwagon, offering their 20-peso burger mc do on foot?

long ago i shared the conservative sentiment that the celebration of all saints' day should be solemn and quiet -- meaning, none of the music, laughter, and the food. but times are different now. and i've learned that death should not be a mourning of a life's end, but a celebration of a life lived. it is not the dead that celebrate this occassion, it is the living. and as long as we keep faithful to the meaning of this day -- a day of remembrance and of faith in the afterlife -- who's to say that we can't enjoy it as well?

coffee, anyone?

it has been more than two weeks now. i didn't think i could move on so quickly. now i only feel the sadness for something that will never be. but i've already accepted the event that was inevitable but had come too soon.

the date was august 31. the time: 7.15 am.

it was the last episode of the morning brew with vitto and mylinda.

---

that day was a bit hectic for me. i had to submit my midterm paper and i was no way near done, even after a late night jotting down ideas. when my pseudo roommate woke me up at 6.30 i almost rushed into the shower. not only because i wanted to get to the office early to get my creative juices flowing.

at 7.00 i turned up the volume of the radio, eagerly awaiting the morning brew playlist. a few minutes later i finally discovered the significance of the theme.

in the immortal words of r.e.m., it was the end of the world as i knew it.

---

everything, including my midterm paper, faded into nonexistence. my ears and my whole being was focused on the radio, on the people who have been my morning companions for the last two years. the voices who have been both alarm clock and snooze button. the mine of information and the source of great laughs. the best specimens of state-funded collegiate education on local fm radio. the pair that is obviously intelligent, witty, amusing, and definitely not irritating. (i know, i know... i'm going to therapy already. just kidding.)

every word, every hint of emotion took a life of its own in my mind. the aptly titled "last playlist" became especially significant. and in true morning brew fashion, it began with an obscure theme called "the final countdown", and included songs many listeners like myself knew and loved. it was perfect. the runaway winner was the song i had begged to be included (vito actually read my message on the air the day before). i had felt it was most fitting, actually. and i think they both loved it as much as i did.

---

it was gratifying and depressing at the same time listening to the last time i would hear my all-time favorite djs on air together. the onslaught of messages for the playlist was testimony to the number of lives they have touched in the two years they took over the morning slot. i had a feeling they finally gave in to their seldomly-revealed schmaltziness, anyway it was their last day. the moment i recognized the athenaeum song played, i realized the extent of vito's influence on my preferences (what i didn't know and 311's amber became fast favorites). i waited with bated breath for them to play a clair marlo song (something i had in common with mylinda), but i guess it would have been just too depressing. vito introducing tori's special request made me realize they were the only show i knew where the traffic reporter was a regular participant. and mylinda going on about running overtime with eric waiting to get on board brought back the moments when i wished the show didn't end.

---

but it did that day, for the last time. it wouldn't be an exaggeration to claim it was as if part of my self was taken away from me forever. false modesty aside, i knew that i as a listener had a part in what the show had become in those two years. being a very active listener, i had invested considerable time, effort, and money (in the form of mobile phone bills) and made that show my own. as all the other loyal listeners have made it their own as well. and i knew, though to a lesser extent, how vito and mylinda felt when they had to let go of their baby. it's always sad to say good bye to a worthy creation.

a fun-filled day

my muscles are killing me.

two days after my marathon fully-booked sports-filled hungover friday. it's just one of those days that i wanted to do so many things... if only traffic permits. and it's the one day i shouldn't have done it because i'd been running on too much borrowed steam.

my day started waking up at 6 in my former officemate's unit. i was helping her with her strama, and i stayed up till past midnight. i had no real problem waking up, it's just getting out of there and getting back to my place that bothered me. luckily i found enough change to make the two jeepney rides to my place. no need to take a cab yet... that problem comes a little bit later.

got home in good time and luckily (again) got a slot in the shower. i'd already prepared all my stuff, even my work clothes, so it was a breeze getting out again. now my problem is having enough change for cabfare... i had money but it's 500 bucks! what to do? so i walked to the pandesal bakery a few blocks over and bravely (but truthfully) answered the question, "wala ka bang smaller bill?" "wala po." a sheepish smile and a thank you later i hailed a cab to go meet my aunt. sana wala pa siya sa meeting place namin.

fast-track to rcbc... the venue of my weekly breakfast with my aunt. after getting settled i called her on the mobile. this had to be the one day that she is late. usually it was me, and i get a few dark looks from her after offering my flimsy excuses. well, she's my aunt so i can't really get mad. anyway i didn't really care about getting late... heheheheh

sometime after 8 i head off to my office, a good 20-minute ride to the heart of manila. i had some stuff i wanted to do, some things i wanted to accomplish... unfortunately i'm running out of steam. so i spent the whole day alternating between inspiration and feeling like a zombie. good thing my friend ness can be reached on the other end of the line... i had to talk to her twice to get my spirits up. this considering that i'm seeing her much later in the day.

at 5.30 (quitting time!) vangie (my boss) and i got out in record time and headed to the nearest mall. to practice at the bowling lanes. hahaha. we have an upcoming game this friday, and we wanted to get ready. so we had three games in all, with me pulling off a personal record of 124 points (without handicap ha!) if my team captain finds out she'll probably pray i get it again. but as she's my teammate from last year she'll probably expect something nearer to 80.

on my way back to makati i called morell (the friend i was helping with strama), said i couldn't meet her before she leaves for her badminton game, and promised to keep tabs on her the whole evening. i then head home to get my things for my own badminton game, which i was a bit late getting to, and everything proceeded as expected.

went back home because my friends are fetching me from makati. yehey! this is the funny part. i planned a gimik with my best buds lei and ness, ness' bf pao, and our friend gary, knowing full well i'll be late. and usually we hang out at megamall/shangri-la, so it was a great load off my back that i didn't have to go there pala. after they fetched me at home we went by greenbelt for me to meet morell, then drove around aimlessly because we couldn't decide where to go. finally we settled on pier one at the fort, because i had to eat, and we had to hang out at a place with lots of people (as compromise to lei's disco ;) but the two weeks of little sleep and the hangover from the singapore trip finally caught up with me. while i was still my witty self i did space out from time to time. so when the others suggested leaving around 1 i didn't protest too much. eventually us three girls got to ness' place and had a mini-chika fest before dozing off one by one.

so went my very hectic, thank-god-it's-friday. the day i was looking forward to all week, being the day after my humres finals and for all the above events that happened. this is the kind of day that makes me realize i'm addicted to company, and i want to be with people all the time if time, schedules, and traffic will allow. it's also manifested in the way i walk (rather fast, trying to overtake everybody) because i want to accomplish so much in the little time i have, and i don't want to waste it walking or traveling. i guess this is the bane of my life. i try to take on so many things that i forget to step back and relax during the day. does this mean i'm afraid of being alone? maybe. probably. or am i compensating for the time i waste lazing in bed or prowling about when i should have been doing something else? again, most likely. is it something i should change? that remains to be seen.