the choices we don't make

part 6 of the philosophical discourses on the subject of waiting

...though the air speaks of all we'll never be, it won't trouble me...

but it does.

just when i thought allowing myself to feel was hard enough, something else looms in the horizon.

and this time, it wasn't my decision to make.

the only choice i can make is whether to give up or suffer in silence.

as usual, the most likely outcome is obvious. the question is how long.

---

... it won't matter now, whatever happens will be...

fine. i don't care any more what i really feel. what i do care about is how painful it will get until the situation resolves itself.

until then, there's nothing else to do but wait.

waiting. how i'm getting to hate the word.

nothing's so loud
as hearing when we lie
the truth is not kind
and you've said neither am i
but the air outside so soft is saying
everything
everything

all i want is to feel this way
to be this close, to feel the same
all i want is to feel this way
the evening speaks, i feel it say

nothing's so cold
as closing the heart when all we need
is to free the soul
but we wouldn't be that brave i know
and the air outside so
soft, confessing everything
everything

all i want is to feel this way
to be this close, to feel the same
all i want is to feel this way
the evening speaks, i feel it say

and it won't matter now
whatever happens will be
though the air speaks of all we'll never be
it won't trouble me

all i want is to feel this way
to be this close, to feel the same
all i want is to feel this way
the evening speaks, i feel it say

and it feels so close
let it take me in
let it hold me so
i can feel it say

-- toad the wet sprocket, all i want