moodswings are weird. only yesterday morning i was lighthearted, but it seems the events that transpired since then have given me much food for thought. today, i struggle with the confusion that has stuck with me over the last few weeks.
i thought finishing graduate school will help me at least get an idea where i'm going. months after everything has been settled, i find that i have no fricking idea where to go from here. i still feel underqualified for anything. more to the point, i have no inkling at all what kind of work i'm suited for.
i don't know why i won't give up my actuarial career track. my knowledge isn't even current. but just like the scraps of paper i still keep in memento boxes, i can't seem to let it go even if i know i won't make it to fellowship.
on the other hand, career change is scary. i've long wanted to work in UN, but again, i don't know what exactly i'm suited for. it's times like these that i envy my former officemate, who decided to shift to another career four years ago. i could have done it then, too - we were in the same boat - but i was too scared to make the first move.
i've always been the wait-and-see sort of person. almost everything i do has been thought out and debated on at least a hundred times. but there have been instances that i could have acted with haste and gotten better results (hindsight is always 20-20). i'm betting this is one of those times.
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