everything is not all right.
i feel rotten. i ate a piece of cake for merienda but was not satisfied. i want to go out tonight but i feel guilty leaving my aunt and dad to care for my mum. my feelings of being ignored by some people are getting more magnified by the day. i'm trying to write a post for another website but can't seem to get it together. not to mention i've been trying to write this post since forever but couldn't hit on the right note to go on with it.
thing is, my mum is suffering from depression and whenever it happens (it's been off and on for the last 20 years) we're put in a rather delicate situation. now that i'm older, and supposedly more mature, i no longer have an excuse to leave it to the adults - not just the finances, but the daily management of the house and, more importantly, my mum's mental (and emotional) well-being. but all i want to do is hide in my bedroom with my gazillion romance paperbacks and come out when it's all over.
today we had to take her to a dermatologist to have her skin problems checked, and it was somewhat a production. considering that this episode of depression came about from her increasing number of health problems, she was worried that going to another doctor meant another treatment and another type of medicine to remember (which is usually the case). i can't help but get frustrated along with her trying to wrap her head around what needed to be done, when there's so much that needed to be dealt with at the same time.
(and here i stopped being emo and just forced myself to watch some tv. it distracted me a bit, but not much from my food cravings...)
so, anyway, life is rather different for now. other times i might shake my head a little whenever my mum is in hyper mode, but times like these i kinda miss it. almost. and to be quite honest, some of the depression spills over to me. it's pretty hard not to be depressed when you're living with someone who is.
2 comments:
Okay so I don't personally know you, or your family, but I'll tell you what I know:
I'm barely into adulthood. I don't think anyone ever gets used to it. So don't pressure yourself into carrying your entire weight of it on your own shoulders. You're lucky you have family members to share the burdens with you.
And based on my own experience, people with depression -- even if they might not get to show it as much -- like to know that there are people behind them. Friends, family, people they love, and people who love them despite everything. SUPPORT group, you know? I hope you don't give up on your mom. :)
Haba ng comment ko. Sorry. But... yun lang. I wish you and your family well. Life's a bitch eh. But we can't live without it. (A joke! I made a joke! Hehe.) *e-hug*
yeah, i guess i'm feeling a bit overwhelmed about it. it's just the last week really made me realize a lot of things. but you're right, i'm not the only one who has to deal with it, and i'm glad that i can help them na. just being able to purge this feeling by blogging has already helped me somewhat. and your comment is such comfort *hugs back*
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