surviving the quarter life crisis

much has been said about the midlife crisis -- the state of panic associated with the realization that one's life is half over. not to be left behind is the more relevant quarter life crisis -- the younger generation's all-encompassing state of confusion, pertaining to the realization that one is not omnipotent, omnipresent, or immortal after all.

one month from now i am going to be a year older. based on actuarial assumption my life would have been one fourth over, and i can now be described as in my late 20's. i have never been ashamed or reticent about my age, though that may be because of my relative youth, and i'm not afraid of getting older. i am, however, afraid of getting older without any sense of achievement, purpose or meaning.

thus begins the realization that i have spent the last year or so in the aptly-named quarter life crisis.

gripe number one. last year i made good use of my belatedly-acquired freedom. rarely has a week gone that i did not go out and while the hours away in some bar, cafe or other such watering hole. on occasion i have also gone with my classmates to dinners and nights out after class. a change in work environment also provided me with a new and expanding set of friends, some of whom would take me to other places i never dared go. but even if it seemed that i had every opportunity laid out before me, it never did give me one thing i have long gone without. being a bona fide card-carrying member of the nbsb club (if you have to ask, i swear i'm gonna kill someone). i could only wonder how my suddenly active social life did not translate to a dating life as well. it was like everyone i had met was either uninteresting, uninterested, or a girl. after all i had done, my love life is a big fat zero. nada. zilch.

gripe number two. being in my third year at graduate school also means that i'm getting nearer to that dreaded strama paper. in fact, i'm scheduled to take the subject starting november. darn. now i wonder if what i learned in the past two years is enough. and i also doubt whether i can overcome my natural tendency for mediocrity.

gripe number three. when i took my present job i knew there was a great degree of uncertainty. however i decided that the experience i will be getting (not to mention the compensation) was worth the uncertainty. now i found myself getting too comfortable and i don’t know if i will ever get over my complacency, or if i can ever rise to a challenge when i get thrown a curved ball.

despite all appearances, namely a fairly busy social life, progress at school, or promotion at work, i have also become vulnerable to quarter life crisis. worse, i have doubts whether all i have worked for even amounted to anything significant. will i ever go back to the level of industry i had been on before? or is it really my nature to be so lazy?