troubled mind

it's a beautiful day... not.

since yesterday i've been feeling ambivalent and restless. i'm all set to work on my deliverables but i keep getting distracted. it's like i'm waiting... and waiting... and waiting... but for what? it wasn't as if i was expecting anything to happen.

this has been the second week i've been feeling peculiar, not really my normal carefree self. i've been taking things much too seriously and i get bogged down. i've had to rely on other people to talk sense into me. and other people's words and actions affect me too much, it's becoming unhealthy. it's like my happiness at one particular moment depends on somebody else. and i'm hating it. i feel so helpless.

there have been times in the past that i've been so moody, i even wallowed in it. but this time, it wasn't what i wanted. i want to get over it. but feelings are so contrary, you really can't control them. and even if you rationalize them, they're still there, bugging you.

what makes feelings distinct from thoughts? essentially, thinking is how we acknowledge and assess our feelings. so why can't we change our feelings by changing our thoughts? why can't i think my way out of this nonsense?