today is thursday. just beyond the middle of the week. i have not done anything earthshaking so far. to be truthful, i'm not even sure if i've done even a day's worth of work in the last three days.
for several weeks i have tried (and failed) to feel a sense of urgency. i come in and stare at the monitor for hours on end, opening documents and files then at the end of the day closing them without making any changes. the last two weeks have been worse. my apathy has been coupled with sorrow and disorientation. in effect i have been further distracted. and became a blubbering idiot with an undefined urge to write an indefinite number of self-serving commentaries on my pathetic existence. this being one of them. the only bright spots in my humdrum life would be quitting time, the infrequent phone calls, my standing morning appointment with the radio, and the rare appearance of a certain group of people. after which i would revert to my old lonely existence, at times much worse off for having been in close contact with the object of my affection. which is likely to happen again tomorrow.
try as i might to break the habit, i find myself as deeply entrenched in the rut as before. when is this going to end?
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