world turning 'round

shocking news greeted me the other day as i got on the elevator with several officemates. one of our colleagues passed away the night before due to a heart attack. the guy was just a few years older than me.

it was a sad day for all of us.

i didn't know my officemate that well, but with our office the way it is (geographically speaking), people we know however slightly become fixtures that decorate our lives. i had one game against his team in our bowling tournament last year, yet every time we bump into each other at the pantry, we kept ribbing each other about our game. our ties might not have been as strong as chains, but they're like wisps of cotton that comforts because they're there. and now they're not.

that even mere acquaintances are feeling a keen sense of loss is somewhat a testament to the way he has lived among us. and maybe it is through this loss that god is teaching us what may be lacking in our own personalities. but mostly, i think god is teaching us how to be basically human - reaching out to other people not for any reason other than that they are also people.

god bless you lee van.

ode to youth

of birthdays and the days in between

october 19th. the eve of my 23rd birthday. we were all there waiting. so many excuses. finally you did come, and you made our day.

december 4th. ces' 20th birthday. we all piled into frank's car, which was still in its original paintwork, and headed to your house to fetch you. your city was a fun place to get lost in, when you're young and with friends you love.

november 20th. two days before frank's 20th birthday. i decided to cut out and run because i can't decide between frank's party and ness's party. so while i was wearing out my feet in hongkong, you were having a blast at the mall and frank's house.

one day in june. i'm sure it wasn't on the day of your 20th birthday. we spent a whole day at your house, met your parents and siblings, conducted some semblance of a workshop, and headed to the theater to see the controversial rosanna roces movie.

november 22nd. frank's 23rd birthday. you might say everyone who was anyone was there, except the one who i would've expected to be there. where were you? i didn't find out until much later.

december 8th. four days after ces celebrated her 23rd. i was worried about what my folks would say about getting home late, but it didn't matter. it was the last time i would see you, and you didn't even know it.

june 17th. you would have been 27 today. sometimes i wonder if our ties would be much stronger if we were given a chance to build them. maybe it's just our fate to have a few bittersweet memories to share. maybe we needed to wake up and stop being complacent. life is too short to waste wishing for something better.