dear abby, part 2

dear jenny,

it's hard to be sensible about love, especially when it happens for the first time. even more difficult when there are many first times, as i'm sure you are bound to spell out. love is not just an event. it is a process. it doesn't happen all of a sudden, though many claim otherwise. and even if it did, it doesn't survive if not sustained, or nurtured, as you were asking.

it is true that it takes two people to sustain love. but a lot also depends on each person's discernment of the situation and the extent of their emotional control. i will not elaborate anymore, but both factors contribute in sustaining the relationship, and only if both parties direct them to the same outcome. it all boils down to choice. you can choose to fall in love anytime if you wanted to, but it involves knowing yourself and the other person thoroughly. and that is why it is hard to determine if a relationship is real love or not. because both people involved make choices on the extent of their involvement and how close to their true selves they allow themselves to be.

do not be afraid of love. if it's the wrong time, it will hurt but it will pass if not sustained. if it's the right time, it will still be hard but if you both want it bad enough you will get there. in the meantime, enjoy life as it comes. everything that happens to you is an emotional investment into your future.

abby

dear abby

one time i read a book where the main character writes for the school paper. one of her regular but little-known columns is the advice column. i then realized that it was something i would have wanted to do back in high school. aside from getting points for the fame (or infamy), it would have been a good use of my penchant for channeling "ate helen". i carried this persona into my adult years, and my best friends have always told me that i give sound advice. and one of the main reasons i even considered putting up my own blog is the chance to dole them out to other people. could be i'm a really frustrated emotional exhibitionist. but unsolicited or not, i put great value on my ability to discern many facets of one issue. it's deciding which side to finally focus on that i'm having a hard time with.

so this time i'm putting the blog to good use. here is a "dear abby" letter that i'm sure all of us have wanted to write.

---

dear abby,

is there something wrong with a person who has never fallen in love? what if a person has had so many close calls but never calls the bluff? is it a matter of pride? self-preservation? or stupidity? is it really possible that one knows his own mind so little as to mistake love for something else? or is it seeing purely in black and white when it is an interesting shade of gray?

how does one know if that one close call could really have been love? is love something that is either there or not? or is it something that comes with accepting the terms? something nurtured?

how does one go on when love is not the right word? how does one deal with expectation, pride and loss? most of all, how does one forget the pain of knowing one is wrong and the pain
of letting go?

sincerely, jenny (real name withheld for sake of contrived mystery)

abby's response to be posted soon

gusto mo bang sumama?

one in the morning. one of the rare moments i got through three chapters of my humres book, albeit haphazardly. after indulging my senti mood with doses of d'sound and julia fordham, i decided to finally break the seal of my week-old eraserheads anthology cd.

i bought the newly-released 2-cd compilation despite already having copies of my two favorite eheads albums. i figured, since i won't be buying the latter albums unless someone twisted my arm, this would be a opportunity to have a good cross sample of their songs. the first cd contains the hits of the first three albums, which were the most popular ones. the second cd took off from fruitcake, the thematically-cohesive but commercially-panned christmas album. it featured songs so divergent, a testimony to the varied musical styles and techniques the eraserheads employed in their later work.

starting off with the first cd, i skipped ligaya and pare ko and eventually landed on my favorite eraserheads song: alapaap. then it hit me. as the song progressed, several things came to mind.

1. i missed playing in a band. notwithstanding the fact that i'm not a really good bass player (well, not as good as buddy zabala anyway), i can coast through a few songs without sticking out like a sore thumb. and although guitar was really my first instrument (after piano of course) i'm more used to thinking in terms of playing bass. well, having my own bass guitar does help.
2. my favorite songs are usually the ones with kick-ass bass. kama supra (eraserheads), in the blood (better than ezra), this love (maroon5), aeroplane (red hot chili peppers), bullet with butterfly wings (smashing pumpkins), tea in the sahara (the police), it's my life (no doubt), are you in? (incubus) are some of them. i get more inspiration to play the really groovy songs although they're quite a challenge to learn.
3. buddy zabala is brilliant. (tagal ko nang alam 'to.)
4. did i already mention i missed playing?

sometimes when i think of what-ifs and what-might-have-beens i inevitably go back to this non-talent of mine. i wonder what would happen if i had been more industrious in learning, if i bothered to take lessons, if i wasn't oido-deaf. one of my brods has a never-ending struggle with songwriting; he's luckier than i am because at least he can compose songs (although they're all incomplete). it all goes back to my perennial problem of being a "jack of all trades, master of none". at times i wonder why i wasn't given one thing to really excel at, rather than having several things that i'm able to do but never be good at. maybe it's just my lot in life. or maybe i just needed to push myself a bit more.

i don't care what other people say about this song. a song is a song is a song. and this is a great song.

may isang umaga
na tayo'y magsasama
haya at halina
sa alapaap
o anong sarap

hanggang sa dulo ng mundo
hanggang maubos ang ubo
hanggang tumulo ang luha
hanggang mahulog ang tala

masdan mo'ng aking mata, 'di mo ba nakikita?
ako ngayo'y lumilipad at nasa langit na
gusto mo bang sumama?

'di mo na kailangan na magtago't mahiya
'di mo na kailangan nang humanap ng iba

kalimutan nang muna ang lahat ng problema
huminga ka ng malalim at tayo'y lalarga na
handa na bang gumala?

pa-parap-pa-pa (gazillion times)

ang daming bawal sa mundo
sinasakal nila tayo
buksan ang puso at isipan
paliparin ang kamalayan

masdan mo'ng aking mata, 'di mo ba nakikita?
ako'y lumilipad at nasa alapaap na

gusto mo bang (gusto mo bang) (7x)
gusto mo bang sumama?

-- eraserheads, alapaap